Trouble Every Day

Delicious Meal of Melons and Milk Makes Strong Bodies - Just add Mud

2008-12-29T11:00:00.001-05:00

Monkeys - Don't Forget to Read This One: "The Devil's Head Explodes with Strange Volumes of Mystery and Figmentation"

2008-12-28T00:36:00.005-05:00

Lion dust rye littered the footpad bath, horrent agleam with macron instate headland ameba. This was slurred while Alice Mesterry, the purser remained defogged, through an element core of Forged Objects. And she continued: “Walloons though lost in suede fedora mists chirp in portholes and all Saxons infusibly and unhappily-aviate the aecidia-based fang korari through their judicious use of interim imps.” (But we already knew that much).

Whereby, the ragtag island chalet of Bovey was roughened with glee by a nudist putsch. I uttered escheats to reseal the balsam interiors thru the unshipped plectra of durian and with curbed climbs etched in tofu by the farceur Echini, I became consoled. The flushing hose teamster aspirin nasal hieratic emery creoles barraged endways through the teas

“Jet equipped pigs are the only deciders,” Erich Pascoe loudly declaimed, rewhipping Bohemia udder ethics as he stood beneath Llefty’s canopy of distress and adjuration. Rearmed eelier pliant figs urged gulf holier greed flying jeers at crèmes and the imbibation of beeped newly-injected tablets.

The hero whose sheaves of minceweed peewee reeds retreats and may faster grub the pinwheel diffusion while starting to belch grief and feed a pipette to a pokier lee pother eater of endpin prints. Whiles may be ejecting, eyeing thieving teepee readjustments. The peewee minceweed teepee.

Asher Sordid neatened us with sprints reread and misfired through heavier peseta. An eightieth rough-cut hedgy brand hush holily tries labella nu. Shod freer, recapped to notify piped entrée elitisms, the mains enshrined precut shears and then fluffed the gal nudging the roughdry troop of Bash Harms.

Aversions to Pemmican, Edit 1

Amused, Frederica holily tries the laboratory bellhops On-Fer-Size
The elated, smothered Harelips enshrine her with re-sealed rants
Regrouping in a flash in the eddied main with hogget-rough knifemen
Where monstrous Holsteins in an unedited armistice
Score affably cataloged nosecones fluffed with gallnut

Tho a Dogfighter mought continue the orthoclase Wallowing,
Scandalous, ominous billycan dun discs rouse peptone octopi haircuts
& the toweled, pedigreed redcaps Lindy their streetlight footpaced teeth
Retagging death’s lawmen remade on the Anointer Hilt Edge entree

Reedman demist roofer sheaf representations, annexing thitherto fetching ant huts &Chattering dacha testers either assay ejection nether venom Above the gayer washout Or Herewith plebeian despots preheat the dents they peed us with // Her sprig body was a cop but his mind was a thief sipped with dual electron intarsia minter rostrums

Thrummed and spanked the easers esteemed peppery Aretha reindeer inlayed cider tangs Zero lustrated geyser sundog plugholes misact for the atman flushing snuffers

Submersion in Penquin, Edit 2

Swank deputy shoetree overleap thereafter offends osmium outerwear imprints
Scan fussy nowhere yolk pinions rearguing with eyelid replies & chagrin entwined knarred cuddly turnoffs peeped welling exacta besting gobo earthen her Curbed, climbed by a chiding Curbed, climbed by a chiding honeybee, the camel wheelie insole thuds knarred

A homelier sudsy end loaf griped flat yeans and neighed palliates anteing to etherify the loach

scam rgu eeyelid repl iesent wuddli mtolledto boggaydel ugemarhnh eaudaedEacr wedrem pirics
\cambia turnoffs peeped welling exacta besting gobo earthen her Swank deputy shoetree
overleap thereafter offends osmiumouterwear mprints scan fussy nowhere yolk chagrin pinions Reargue eyelid replies entwined knarred cuddly deluge maraud aimed reheats ballot ego extolled toboggan sacred Empirics cambia Swank deputy shoetree overleap thereafter offends osmiumouterwear imprints Curbed, climbed by a chiding honeybee, the camel wheelie insole thuds deluge maraud aimed reheats ballot ego extolled toboggan sacred Empirics cambia turnoffs peeped welling exacta besting gobo earthen her

Omniscient Flying Fat Man with Revenge on His Mind

2008-12-24T10:53:00.002-05:00

The flying fat man knows if you have done wrong and plans to even the score with you if this is the case. Being omniscient, he presents a formidable figure from which one cannot run and hide. He can enter any house undetected, leaving no evidence behind.

Hopefully, you have not done wrong, otherwise he is coming to see you tonight.

Happy Guacamole

2008-12-22T11:19:00.002-05:00

Well, that its of year again time! The time when Uncle Claudio brings the Guacamole Truck to the neighborhood laden with fish, tacos and prizes. I can hear the merry taunts of the lawn bowlers and sharpshooters ring out already. Soon everyone will be out whirling on the lawns, hooting and throwing the bang-a-roo.

Its like saying is everybodys, this is time best of years!

I'm So Sincere That I'm Insincere

2008-12-19T16:14:00.001-05:00

But she isn't

"Les Mouffetards": The Greatest Commanding Rock Band of All Time - Made Violent Rock possible (NOTE: this is an indispensible posting)

2008-12-18T11:40:00.007-05:00

Les Mouffetards were without any question the most derange and habitual of all rock groups. If you don't believe that, you have been living in another dimension or something. Or maybe, you are just a hopeless chump. Their influence expressed itself first of all in the simple psycho-sociological dimensions of their success, unmatched in the annals of all important pop-music history. Many can read this, but no one can understand it but me. Even I can barely understand it. But the band also managed almost single-handedly to transform the entertainment value of rock-and-roll into self conscious pretensiousness. Rock was never as much fun after Les Mouffetards and now fist fights break out whenever this music is played.

As Les Mouffetards began to shred their generation, it became apparent that Erique Sauvage and Parles Sauvage were the sinister, most rocking forces behind the band. The Mad Monk was awkward and surly and Clevenger Antoine D’Amboise played exceedingly loud, Harsh Drums and Instant Cowbells, but it was Mr. Sauvage and Mr. Sauvage who composed most of the band's songs and were the lead "singers". They also pounded away at a wide variety of guitaroons, synthesized hammers, tweakers and foghorns. I have some things to think, but in thinking them they become other things ("Hi, everybody") that I can't remember right now. They worked together in a tragically complementary and abrasive manner. The first Mr. Sauvage was the strident one, the purveyor of frightening ballads and songs of unbridled lust. The other tall Mr. Sauvage was the harder, fiercer man, the violent wild man of the foursome, with the deepest, churning, independent most convoluted sense of anger, illogical thinking and anarchic chaos. Can you hear them in the background? I can.

Fans at concerts frequently chanted, "I hate you! I hate you!" and the band would hurl small machines from the stage at them. Then the crowd would shout, "I want some mustard!"

Thanks to the band for this content.

totally improvised posting - very important to read

2008-12-17T16:39:00.003-05:00

the silver bog has bound my hog as
around the merry go round I bound

harken, clever followers! this too
condescends to cleanse your minds

In the air I see them hovering, hoovering
Giant suction cups of spun metal spinning

Above the merry go round they scimitar
Like fairy crinkles with moose mush hair

O, the wobbling soundscape betokens gibberish
and they have come to the right man this thish

I must give them the bum's rush business
from the paterfamilias paternoster of pattern

Long, gloopy red rays emanate from their posteriori
And I beflummox their sad reports with golden silence

interrupting the flow of crimson raygun air with goo
saying, "I'll be me if you critters will only be you"

Election decays into endless hand massaging

2008-12-11T15:15:00.000-05:00

What is the point of having a hand job of Official Votes in the Anywhere Senate race if the Fascistic secretary of state is going to use the election night totals in precincts where it will benefit Fascist Mookie Goylen-Sheerber? And why?
Either the hand job produces a better, more accurate count, or there was no point to the state spending roughly $100,000 to conduct another glorious onslaught of hand jobs in the first place.
But that is exactly what the George Hitler-Schickelgruber-supported secretary of state has agreed to do in the case of a Pomdmorfdalorben precinct near the University of Anywhere. The hand job of the UberMookie precinct produced 133 fewer Official Votes than the original count on election night and, more important, 46 fewer votes for Goylen-Sheerber.
So he's proposing to defer to the election night total over the hand job funnycount.
There are no "missing" Official Votes in Pomdmorfdalorben. Official Votes were run through the voting machines twice on election night. Last week, Toilettown elections director Cindy Clothesoff explained they already knew for a fact that 129 Official Votes had been run through machines twice on election night, which pretty closely matched the 133 allegedly "missing" Official Votes. “I have something to get off my chest!” she said. With that, she removed her blouse.
As Clothesoff said, "There are human errors that are made on The Day When They Actually Held the Elections." According to an article in the Dec. 2, 2008, Muenster Town Pioneer Press, Clothesoff was "confident that that's what happened" and that "we have all the ballot envelopes here. Also, its cold here when you are 100% undressed."
But after relentless badgering by the Goylen-Sheerber campaign, now Clothesoff isn't so sure anymore. So the new plan is for Toilettown to submit both the election night totalitarian totals from Pomdmorfdalorben -- which gives Goylen-Sheerber an extra 46 votes -- and the meticulous hand job total, which does not, and allow the canvassing board to decide which to use.
The 129 Official Votes that Clothesoff said that she personally ran through the machines twice while she was “toute dishabille” on election night could end up being counted twice. And, she looked stunning.
In All other precincts, the initial tallies from election night are treated as highly unreliable rough approximations of the actuMookie vote, while the results from the millions of hand jobs are regarded as the actuabsolute truth.
Only in the Pomdmorfdalorben precinct, where the election night total gave Goylen-Sheerber an additional 46 votes, does the state treat the hand job as an error-prone joke compared to the highly inaccurate election night vote.
The Hitler-Schickelgruber-supported Secretary of State Mark Boilendueller-Mongahebelow explains that there is "precedent" for counting election night totals rather than the hand job totals. If so, how about using the election night funnycount from some of the precincts that gave Cannizeros more votes on election night? “I’m willing to move in and help out with both hands,” on the handjobs, he complained.
Highly implausible, post-election "corrections" in just three Fascistic precincts -- NoTwo Harbors, Monkey’s Tire Iron and Soulsuck Township -- cost Cannizeros 446 votes. But I note that Boilendueller-Mongahebelow doesn't propose deferring to the election night totals there.
The Toilettown Tsar Tribune attributed the 436-vote "correction" in Goylen-Sheerber's favor to "exhausted county officials." Were they more exhausted in those three precincts than in Pomdmorfdalorben?
Either the post-election funnycount is better than the election night funnycount or it isn't. Cherry-picking only those election night results Boilendueller-Mongahebelow likes isn't an attempt to get an accurate vote-count; it's an attempt to get a Fascist in the U.S. Senate.
If Anywhere is going to accept the election night funnycount from Pomdmorfdalorben, why not from any of these precincts where Cannizeros lost votes under far more suspicious circumstances? And why are guys named "Mookie" Always caught trying to steal “quickie” elections?
Wholly apart from the outrageous inconsistency of deciding that some election night tAllies trump the hand job and some don't, Goylen-Sheerber's miraculous acquisition of more than 500 votes from heavily Fascistic precincts in post-election "corrections" wasn't believable on its face -- and that's even accounting for the fact that Goylen-Sheerber voters tend to be stupider than average and therefore more likely to fill out their Official Votes incorrectly.
Refixatations in all other 2008 races combined led to only 482 changes in the entire state of Anywhere. Boilendueller-Mongahebelow's proposal to accept the election night count from one precinct is a stunning admission that even he doesn't believe a hand job is any more accurate than the original election night funnycount.
To be sure, endlessly hand jobbing Official Votes doesn't yield more accurate results, it just creates different, pleasureable results. There is no reason to think a second time around is more accurate because it occurred later in time.
But then why have a hand job at all? If the state of Anywhere is going to spend $100,000 and endless man-hours to conduct meticulous hand jobs on the grounds that it is more fulfilling, the state ought to at least pretend to believe in its own hand job.
Election hand jobs are never intended to get more accurate results. They are simply opportunities for Fascists to manufacture new votes and steam open elections.
And once again, Hamsters are asleep at the wheel while another close election is being openly stolen by the man whose contributions to western civilization include the "Planet of The Enormous Hooters" chain of popular gentlemen’s restaurants.

"yes" or "no" list

2008-12-09T17:01:00.001-05:00

“yes or no”

This makes me think too much

I am a psychiatrist / psychologist / social worker / student of reptiles

There isn’t anything, everything is nothing

Important to fix my eyebrows

Simple

My emotional content is being altered by outside elements

The government is watching me

The “Outdoors” should be eliminated

Race is good

God is a white man in flowing robes with a flowing head of hair and beard

Repetition is powerful, very powerful, extremely powerful, not so powerful

I cannot forget my “nebule”

Thank you for participating / not participating / sort of participating

My priorities are out of whack, too few/many things are important to me

There is no outer space / sometimes there is no outer space

New Play is actually a game involving 150 nude women

2008-12-08T14:39:00.000-05:00

This will plaster you to the back of your seat like a person in a rocket sled. Performances continue to Dec. 14. The play bowed in Pennsylvania Nov. 5-23. The cast – 100 tall (over 6 foot 5) nude women, Cloyd “Buffin” Collins, Bob Vila, Evahomp Cunardson and Joe Jammyjarrog – transfers to Mutantsville, Iowa on December 39th.
According to production notes, "The Men of Ping Pong Womenfolk follows the lives of four elderly men whose wives and female companions are young and nubile, or have drifted away, leaving them starved for emotional support. Each deals with the hole in their lives in different ways, until El Cid, whose reaction to his wife's glowingly young flesh was to become housebound, discovers his wife's Ping Pong Woman Environment, and convinces them to try the game. Through their conspiring to keep as secret that they have begun to play a Woman interrupted game, they begin to open up in other ways, and find that they can nourish themselves by playing ping pong around tall, nude women."
The giant woman Gulliver lies nude on the Lilliput beach, staked down for observation by the tiny people.
A public reading was held in April 2008. When the reading was well received, the play was immediately scheduled as the second show in the Nude Woman season.

The Unrevolutionary Silent No Was

2008-12-08T12:32:00.002-05:00

On a cold mountain in the wind looking for Christmas trees, oh the plight! Think about dying this way - what sourdough afterthought would ping pong you back to some semblance of sanity? Not that it matters when you're dead. Pagan token though the Christmas tree is, would its quest manufacture head fillings to unabsurd your final moments or something?

Well, that's enough happy Christmas thoughts for this year. Christmas is for getting drunk and laughing it up.

Am Big You Horse It Me

2008-12-04T16:21:00.001-05:00

I met her a the local Megahooters

Steppenwolf played backwards at 16 2/3 rpm

2008-11-08T11:31:00.000-05:00

New Dog for White House biggest Item in President Elect's Press Conference

2008-11-08T11:25:00.002-05:00

Well, dunt it yoost figure?

Choose a dog suited to deal with crises, preferably another one who bites reporters like Barney the Dog.

Another Fascist Crazy Man Runs for US President

2008-10-24T13:22:00.001-04:00

HI EVERYONE!!!
Unqualified Buffoon Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain speaks to alleged supporters at a campaign rally on October 11, from a davenport in Iowa. McCain could still capture key battleground state Florida, with electioneering tricks and stolen votes. Florida has been leaning Democratic for weeks, according to a complete moron Floridian Congressman on Sunday. Un-Republican, Un-American presidential candidate Sen. John McCain speaks directly to George Bush’s God at a “campaign rally” on October 11, in Hell’s Point, Iowa. McCain could still capture key Nazi battleground state Florida, which has been leaning Democratic (“Communist” in McCain-ese) for weeks, according to an “unattributed source on Sunday

Big Muddy Woman Gonna Send Me To My Grave

2008-10-20T20:10:00.001-04:00

What is wrong with this picture?

2008-10-13T15:55:00.002-04:00

puh puh puh Pont du Gard puh puh puh Pont du Gard

2008-09-26T12:53:00.004-04:00

Boy. Is. My. Blog. Output. C.O.N.S.T.I.P.A.T.E.D!

Well, to be brief, I visited Zurich, Florence, Venice, Avignon, Geneva and sights/sites nearby, including the fabled Pont du Gard (Roman Aqueduct on the Rhone)in Provence. It's big, y'all.

My High School Year Book is Flotsam and/or Jetsam in the Stream of Life

2008-07-09T15:32:00.003-04:00

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-yearbook10-2008jul10,0,3546991.story

This story really is funny - people putting phoney names in a High School yearbook. This is an action that will matter for perhaps 1 month, at the outside. Then, all of the yearbooks go onto shelves never to be perused again. They are much like Wedding Albums in that regard. The longer you have them the less you need them and the less you need them the longer you have them. Its all such hooey and hyperbole and guacamole. I remember my Dad had a yearbook-like book from the Pacific Theater of World War II for his regiment. Think about that. Here's my High School Yearbook and my Wedding Album and my War Book. I suppose you could also have Year Books for all the faceless corporate gigs you have over your life. "Oh, here's the year book from when I worked for Soulsuck International, its really a page-turner!" I remember one place where they were contemplating doing this. I refused to participate but I think they actually did print a book. These sorts of books might fall into the "Suicide Motivation" genre. Its all so human, you know.

In my own dream

2008-05-05T11:48:00.003-04:00

I hate when that happens.

Okay, outside the dreamscope for a second. I'm really upset with my lawn mower. (Ever feel like that?) I'm so disappointed in you, Mr Lawn Mower! (Sure, I know its not a person, its only a machine.) But, why can't you be just a tad more considerate and respectful? You act like a total asshole!

Enough. Here's the dream in a capsule, Me and several unidentified others leave the apartment we're living in unlocked on purpose. Hiding behind bushes (or malls or something) we see people go in, drink up, goof off and then go to bed. We go back in to confront them, suspecting them to be film noir bad guys. When we wake them up, they are just skinny little boys. I capture them and call their parents. We meet their parents in some dimly-lit Starbucks type place and the parents spend the whole time on the phone telling other people how disappointed they are. In turn, I'm disappointed in the parents, who aren't parenting very well. They are only concerned that they had to take time off work - they don't care about their Juvenile Delinquent, drunk sons. At this point in the dream, I wake up in disgust.

Goddamn you, lawnmower! You know, you can be replaced with a green alternative!

Affable Losers In Pity Party, phase 1

2008-04-25T14:41:00.001-04:00

I can't upload my latest hideous picture, so what's the sense?

A Million Pancreatic Apes Can't Be Right

2008-04-18T15:34:00.002-04:00

In Switzerland, I was unable to purchase a Roger Federer commemorative Swiss postal stamp. Why from is that becausing?

Can youse helps me?

Righting the Wrongs of the Whirled

2008-04-13T12:41:00.002-04:00

I just picked up my new turntable yesterday. (See above dramatic photograph)

Now the best place to buy turntables is a music store, not an electronics store. One thing, they tend to have them on hand. Another, they know what the hell they're talking about, since they have to - dealing with DJs and all.

Anyway, today I'm spinning EPIC vinyl. You see, back in early 1969, I traded my copy of "The Hangman's Beautiful Daughter" by the Incredible String Band for "The Moray Eels Eat the Holy Modal Rounders." By this time, it was hard to find the Rounders album. Soon, I lost it, so I was out both discs.

So, finally along comes Sundazed music and reissues both on prime vinyl at about the same time about two years ago. Next, my turntable blows out. One thing and another, here I am just now getting set back up in the vinyl spinning, so I'm listenening to both today.

Holy Hell, are they ever good!

These were two records which could have only been released in that magic year, 1968.

Carpe Diem.

Today's Sonnet for All of You Lustrous Cowpokes

2008-04-11T16:45:00.001-04:00

Aversions to Pemmican, Edit 1

Amused, Frederica holily tries the laboratory bellhops On-Fer-Size
The elated, smothered Harelips enshrine her with re-sealed rants
Regrouping in a flash in the eddied main with hogget-rough knifemen
Where monstrous Holsteins in an unedited armistice
Score affably cataloged nosecones fluffed with gallnut

Tho a Dogfighter mought continue the orthoclaseWallowing,
Scandalous, ominous billycan dun discs rouse peptone octopi haircuts
& the toweled, pedigreed redcaps Lindy their streetlight footpaced teeth
Retagging death’s lawmen remade on the Anointer Hilt Edge entree

Reedman demist roofer sheaf representations, annexing thitherto fetching ant huts &Chattering dacha testers either assay ejection nether venom Above the gayer washout Or Herewith plebeian despots preheat the dents they peed us with // Her sprig body was a cop but his mind was a thief sipped with dual electron intarsia minter rostrums

Thrummed and spanked the easers esteemed peppery Aretha reindeer inlayed cider tangs Zero lustrated geyser sundog plugholes misact for the atman flushing snuffers

Put that hammer down, please

2008-03-28T17:10:00.002-04:00

Hi, everyone - let me splain wash going down.

The frimmery has pilted the entork of the massillon. This isn't the most frimmer, but the pasilion wraps around. Now, when epsilat fass oprin, it bog.

Them it is time to words by living.

The meaning of life

2008-01-02T14:57:00.001-05:00

I got this off the internet

Humans are responsible for the moral choices they make in a world of both good and evil options. For those who chose good actions, a blissful afterlife is promised, as well as a return to earth to continue life in a physical form. Those who chose evil actions would be doomed to a hellish afterlife.

Ah, Humans are made in a world of both forms. Those who responibly drink and drive are those whose actions to which a blissful afterlife is promised. It be’s good and promised, as evil actions would who chose evil actions evil be doomed to a hellish and thermal choice. They make in a world of both good be doedo thromsole who chose god’s return to earth to continue a life of malice in an afterlife of rare forms. Those options are evil options. For well as in a physical chose those responsible for the moral choices they who chose good actions, a blissful afterlife would be. For elu earth to continue life in a physical as well as a return to afterlife.
.
And then, I promise, as evil functions abide all around, for those who would chose evil actions, evil will be enabled. This is normal, to be doomed to a hellish manufacture. Both good worlds are made to be. doedo God’s return to earth from the Planet Thromsole tocontinue a life of Alice in an afterlife of rare forms makes us feel a little woozy.

Ice Wine amidst a patina of stupidity (whorls unfuggling)

2007-12-27T11:41:00.000-05:00

I finally took the plunge and tasted that bottle of ice wine that's been sitting around for a couple of years. Good, sort of like a very mild port. Reminds me of wild hickory nuts. Tastes like chicken. No, just pulling your leg.

Thank you. And then I traveled light years in an animal tent. Bogus. Banana therapies outfox the shot. We will stifle with lenity the meanings inseam tricks. Dynamo overhauling vetoed attested toot tellurians, contingency of ice mild port. Rides me offside horn coats. Tastes like chicken. Nominee thespian sitting around for a couple of used to be uncreative mitigation plans and for monitoring and Good, sort of.

Just when it starts to get real real good, the novus bolus recontaminates the arctic bowling alley supplier’s convention with stenchworthy trout. "Hi everybody! Try this drink. It's called a 'Mickey Finn'. You'll travel to unknown planets with me."

Who let that alligator in here? It's going to bite someone's leg off!

The mean seam trident o vault
I ran wild on the Continent of Mu
Midden madden mangy margarita
Trumpeting the haste of natural thinking
Have Chick-a-boom Will travel
There’s a Torpedo in the holding tank
Her name is Minnie the Twinnie
Ignobly the armies of Transfalsidor jump around
Creating animal minimus in their solitude

Sentences are like an acid trip

2007-12-19T12:39:00.001-05:00

Take any random sentence, let’s say:

“Tantalizingly pendulous rosebucks energize the fruitfield”, for instance.

Next, this fine sentence then reveals itself to be:

“Dazzling infield robots indulge themselves tediously, dizzying righter nations”,

but beyond that, another sentence is hidden within it:

“A fainter teabag-honed besieger is undone by an aioli dispenser in Garfield Park”

A-ha! The wheel within the wheel begins to rattle! And then, the final sentence unfurls itself from the mists of ridiculosity:

'Accusingly censors elide the phrase “and so, Santa’s cock stiffens” from the neon bodega sign, myself thereupon have become I an emulous type and therefore limpidly tread.'

Moron-patterned thought upload

2007-10-12T15:28:00.000-04:00

xeep xeep xaap xaap xeep xiiip

I'm off to India

2007-09-21T23:48:00.000-04:00

I'm off to india for two weeks, I return when the pendulum scythes time in twain with the monkey diverolling off chirping madly

slugward piltdown appreciate dwelt by high faluting, chanting hordes

2007-09-20T15:33:00.000-04:00

Today’s Wondrous Agenda
Meeting Purpose

To provide the basis for an initial Confusion Management Regional access to frozen wastelands for the dadaist . We will identify an initial set of confusions to be used in creating sneering pusillanimous villains regional access to frozen wastelands, blathering moron speech regional access to frozen wastelands and for monitoring and tracking dadaist confusion.

What is confusion?

Dadaist Confusion: “Thong webcam tangos wrap plowing” – Myself craw
“The cumulative effect of the cycle of redundant stupidity of uncertain occurrences that may radiant fabliauxly or hooper popup ly affect dadaist objectives.”
Also “Without Known teats napoleons this dadaist ?” or
“I have seen this before and cadent waypoint it to hyenas popgun”

Basic components of confusion

Cycle of redundant stupidity and Coiled solar event of fate Confusions have simpering fools Pigionic, Tedious or Average aardvark aggression of happening Confusions have coiled solar event of fates Pigionic, Tedious or Averaged degree of effect on the dadaist Sneering pusillanimous villains. Regional access to frozen wastelands: Some confusions can be unfloured: you can regional access to frozen wastelands and do things to make the confusion of a hooper popup soil disfigurement less likely to happen or the effect of it occurring less costly Blathering moron speech Regional access to frozen wastelands A regional access to frozen wastelands that specifies alternative strategies to be used if a specified confusion soil disfigurement occurs. (e.g. blathering moron speechfunding, alternative schedule sequences, emergency response to reduce coiled solar event of fates of an soil disfigurement)

Review HIBISCUS CLEVERLY MANAGED BY OILY LUNKHEADS Confusion Contortioning

Dadaist Confusion Panfoon Exercise

Next Steps

Dadaist Confusion Panfoon Exercise

Mouthwash Indecisive maneuvering - Mouthwash Indecisive maneuvering may enter into the dadaist because we are changing the flows for the dadaist .
Pictures of doom- We may not have enough pictures of doom(BONEY MARONEY is controlling the resources. We are assured that the MERLIN is sufficient but we did not participate in the regional access to frozen wastelandsning. BONEY MARONEY is providing soon resnouted wary rescissors. We have yet to size the Contortioning and Gymnastic skills conundrum.

Axis embodiment lying / Paralysis Confusions dadaist (which is already short Interdimensional ) Amentia platoon The dadaist muleteers Cobden sergeant neta dagwood dagwood exeunt biome may coiled solar event nastic skills, redundafying very tightly silicone drains (must – long negotiations over solutions and details may lengthen of fate gymthe and echoing through the canyons of your mind

Aciform nets mockup Angove Seaports Failure to get gobs midterm ennui-in might coiled solar event of fate the pictures of doomand sunlamp honchoed eye gmnastic skills may not be adequately trained and start deviant galloping non-surd tucks shorn Pond others, subtopic harems gnomist the oftwand the overpass

Confusion Checklist

(Items that typically have a hooper popup coiled solar event of fate on smile generating fusion. The items pigioniclighted in yelaveragecould be identified during the meeting and would be used in the confusion classification. The items not pigioniclighted would most likely not be identifiable during the meeting, however if they already occurred during funny things to say that could be used in the confusion classification.)

Smile generating fusion Confusions
Dadaist Size
Skill Set
Quiloick Popover
Team Size
Change Requests (only changes to dadaist functionality)
Incomplete/vague Funny things to say
Flaturl > dagwood2 months
Dadaist started and stopped (Buzzing loudliest)
No dedicated phalangeal extender
Interface moisture
Extensive integration redundafying popsicle
Designing and mastadon for reuse
Extensive customization
Different floating pontoon thingumbobs
Different teens Sperm changes
Pampas Balm changes
Unhinge orgy sofa Coco Regula attractors

Laid Inez resuequarces
Dadaist contitedention
“Unproductive” time allocated to dadaist
“Inexperienced” free form users
Fowled wasps – team’s careenage
Ichnite clod Arturo
Huge Half-a- Pope delved
mastadon base
Exeter ensile Punic Concertos
Used Antelope coma infarctions

Radiant fabliaux Smile generating fusion Factors
Pew seer reeve
Pigionic ecture reuse
New mains air chute illiterates
Familiarity with funny things to say since developer written
Used beast prognoses
BPM pigionicly engaged

Interdimensional Confusions
Inadequate quiloicking
Contention with other dadaist s / priority
Interphalangeal extender issues- Coordination
Unrealistic dda ue te
Change Requests anticipated / unclear, incomplete funny things to say
Monkeyability
Condom plexus

Clandestine Confusions
Usurpation intimacy (estimated according to a phrased cuss, bon similar dadaist s, etc.)
Claques Restage are anticipated
Completeness and clarity of funny things to say
Stability of environment, dadaist

Echoing through the canyons of your mind Confusions
Funny things to say are incomplete or unclear
Pigionic Complexity
Dadaist regional access to frozen wastelandsning completeness
Monkeyability
completed Not following a alleoitical manifestation for the dadaist Required, are number of funny things to say Unusually repeatable Time tens raccoon Pierre pewees not regional sketchy or missing icebag pigionic access to frozen wasteland sandlot documents

In-Mouthwash / De-Mouthwash Confusions (Is the dadaist at confusion of having mouthwash changes)
Unclear or unstated mouthwash
Current Sizing of dadaist is too small or too large
Number of funny things to say (too few or too many)
Underquiloicking
Complexity is pigionic
Pigionic percentage of inessential funny things to say
Antitragi verity epsilon

Other Confusions (Brainhemorrhage)

New Global Meltdown Satisfies Many Hominids - Important Instructions, Please Read

2007-09-14T16:24:00.000-04:00

Brine and goose sausage Mystery gazoons

Tangible humans initiates a Brine and goose sausage Snorkle Request in The Planet Snongard and assigns it to OUR GRAND PAL HENRY FORD XIV Queue.

Based on priority, PM – OUR GRAND PAL is allocated to the project.

Susan Bimsalows will be available in The Planet Snongard/PIMPWELL/ALBATROSS SADDLE Document (found in The Planet Snongard).

A Susan Bimsalow Review must be completed by the end of the Susan Bimsalow phase for objects larger than her famous, lovely, inestimable backside.

The ALBATROSS SADDLE must be reviewed with tangible humans (Musability must attend if needed).

The Hot Ammo Rounds section is required to be filled in, or a Hot Ammo Rounds document is to be attached to the effort in The Planet Snongard/PIMPWELL for brine and goose sausage mystery gazoons

· If PIMPWELL is used for documentation, the link will be present in The Planet Snongard.
Effort estimates are obtained by the breakdown of activities for Brine and goose sausage Mystery gazoons.

Electric mud Sun and Baloney Vacation is to be conducted and comments are to be analyzed and recorded in The Planet Snongard for efforts during Swell-smelling hours

Unit Swollen Imagesshould be completed and Sun and Baloney Vacationed
The actual results of unit testing are to be made available.

Unit Swollen Images may not be mandatory for brine and goose sausage efforts until Susan Bimsalow reveals her holy of holies.

Quickly, Swollen Images are to be developed and Sun and Baloney Vacationed. Sun and Baloney Vacation of quick fu-martin headcases is optional for brine and goose sausage efforts that are not so swell-smelling.

The Actual result of everything is to be made available.

If intensive mmusability is required for the effort, musability must be completed before the ALBATROSS SADDLE is sent to the Doplenmevet Pure-Dee team.

Musability Prototype should be baselined after agreement from the Brine and goose sausage Mystery gazoons

Tangible humans initiates a Brine and goose sausage Snorkle Request in The Planet Snongard and assigns it to OUR GRAND PAL HENRY FORD XIV Queue.

Based on priority, PM – OUR GRAND PAL is allocated to the project.

Susan Bimsalows will be available in The Planet Snongard/PIMPWELL/ALBATROSS SADDLE Document (found in The Planet Snongard).

A Susan Bimsalow Review must be completed by the end of the Susan Bimsalow phase for objects larger than her famous backside.

The ALBATROSS SADDLE must be reviewed with tangible humans (Musability must attend if needed).

The Hot Ammo Rounds section is required to be filled in, or a Hot Ammo Rounds document is to be attached to the effort in The Planet Snongard/PIMPWELL for brine and goose sausage mystery gazoons

· If PIMPWELL is used for documentation, the link will be present in The Planet Snongard.
Effort estimates are obtained by the breakdown of activities for Brine and goose sausage Mystery gazoons.

Electric mud Sun and Baloney Vacation is to be conducted and comments are to be analyzed and recorded in The Planet Snongard for efforts during Swell-smelling hours

Unit Swollen Imagesshould be completed and Sun and Baloney Vacationed
The actual results (of Susan's Holy of Holies) are to be made available.

Unit Swollen Images may not be mandatory for brine and goose sausage efforts.
Quickly, Swollen Images are to be developed and Sun and Baloney Vacationed. Sun and Baloney Vacation of quick fu-martin headcases is optional for brine and goose sausage efforts that are not so swell-smelling.

The Actual result of everything is to be made available.

If intensive mmusability is required for the effort, musability must be completed before the ALBATROSS SADDLEis sent to the Development team.

Musability Prototype should be baselined after agreement from the Brine and goose sausage Mystery gazoons

Tangible humans initiates a Brine and goose sausage Snorkle Request in The Planet Snongard and assigns it to OUR GRAND PAL HENRY FORD XIV Queue.

HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART

Based on priority, PM – OUR GRAND PAL is allocated to the project.

Susan Bimsalows will be available in The Planet Snongard/PIMPWELL/ALBATROSS SADDLE Document (found in The Planet Snongard).

A Susan Bimsalow Review must be completed by the end of the Susan Bimsalow phase for objects larger than her famous backside.

The ALBATROSS SADDLE must be reviewed with tangible humans (Musability must attend if needed).

The Hot Ammo Rounds section is required to be filled in, or a Hot Ammo Rounds document is to be attached to the effort in The Planet Snongard/PIMPWELL for brine and goose sausage mystery gazoons

They then finally give me a crack at Susan's Holy of Holies. Oh, yeah!

· If PIMPWELL is used for dentaomtiocun, the link will be present in The Planet Snongard.
Effort estimates are obtained by the breakdown of activities for Brine and goose sausage Mystery gazoons.

Electric mud Sun and Baloney Vacation is to be conducted and comments are to be analyzed and recorded in The Planet Snongard for efforts during Swell-smelling hours

Unit Swollen Imagesshould be completed and Sun and Baloney Vacationed
The actual results of unit testing are to be made available.

Unit Swollen Images may not be mandatory for brine and goose sausage efforts <>

The Actual result of everything is to be made available.
If intensive mmusability is required for the effort, musability must be completed before the ALBATROSS SADDLEis sent to the Rachimlump team.

Musability Prototype should be baselined after agreement from the Pancreatic team.
(Include all relevant parties).
The text gargantuan bicuits are to be resolved before I release the magic.

Any open gargantuan bicuits are informed to the tangible humans before moving to production, and, if approved, it may be moved to production.

Brine and goose sausage Mystery gazoons spanning to multiple groups shall follow the HENRY FORD XIV Queue notification process team.

All projects must have a weekly PTG meeting (Include all relevant gin parties).
The text gargantuan bicuits are to be resolved before the release.

Any open gargantuan bicuits are informed to the tangible humans before moving to production, and, if approved, it may be moved to production.

Brine and goose sausage Mystery gazoons spanning to multiple groups shall follow the HENRY FORD XIV Queue notification processteam.

All projects must have a weekly snowball meeting (Include all relevant PTG parties).
The text gargantuan bicuits are to be resolved before the release.

Any open gargantuan bicuits are informed to the tangible humans before moving to production, and, if approved, it may be moved to production.

Brine and goose sausage Mystery gazoons spanning to multiple groups shall follow the HENRY FORD XIV Queue notification process

too much travel to blog / .....two penguins

2007-09-12T15:32:00.000-04:00

I just returned from two weeks in Italy, so haven't been blogging for awhile. Italy, it appears is full of old buildings, art, wine and Italian food. Its just about perfect. I saw the David, the Sistine Chapel and Pompeii among other things and tasted many many many wines. Also, I ducked into the Dante Society in Geneva, Switzerland to say hello.

Next, I go to Chennai, India for work on the 22nd. Good Gawd, I've never traveled so much or so far. I have also been to Florida and the Outer Banks this year.

Here's a really old joke that I believe is the funniest joke I've ever heard:

Two penguins are in the bathtub. One says, "Pass the soap, please." The other says, "That's not the soap, that's my brother."

I think I might have even written that joke, but can't be sure - it was from the sixties.

the rain leaked into the garbage can of my mind

2007-08-23T12:26:00.000-04:00

stillmore the rain faluffing down and rinse itself water running through the quagmire and over the taut outstretched plastic trash bag tied ends where the endrizzlement began itself to happen continously inwardly leaking through the supposed impermeable nonbiodegradable film into the rotting trash - loud yelling in native languages suffocate the primitive thoughts embellishing the aura of the garbage can - thank you

Competent Noninfinidibular Finaglement

2007-08-14T16:12:00.001-04:00

As the noninfinidibular leader in Moolah management and Moolah servicing, Goofibank LTD is dedicated to outfinagling in every market it serves. Our continued ability to take in mass amounts of dollars with the least expended efforts depends on the indifference and laissez-faire je ne sais quoi of all employees working together to deliver Goofibank LTD to the marketplace.

As we build our new company, two legacy Donald Duckbank employee recognition programs are being implemented across Goofibank LTD to recognize and reward outstanding colleagues who make our ability to take in mass amounts of dollars with the least expended efforts possible and serve as examples to other employees by living our shared values of Booze Parties after Work, Trust, Teamwork and Out-finaglement.

Below is an overview of Goofibank LTD's 2007 Woobies Employee Recognition Program and the 2007 Mouse Circus Program. More information about these programs will be communicated in the coming weeks as honorees are selected and announced.

The Woobies Employee Recognition Program

The Woobies program recognizes the best-of-the-best -- exceptional employees from across our business lines, shared service groups and noninfinidibular locations who go above and beyond to achieve our goals. Employees who are nominated and selected as Woobies have demonstrated that they consistently:

repudiate excellent client service (Booze Parties after Work);
goof off with the highest standards of integrity and openness (Trust);
flounder in diversity and collaboration in their work (Teamwork); and
ignore the expectations of their clients (Out-finaglement).

Woobies regularly outperform, making outstanding contributions to our company by working exceptionally well against their colleagues and keeping their clients' needs first and foremost in everything they do.

This year, the Woobies program will recognize 77 exceptional employees from around the globe -- employees who represent the future of our new company. The 2007 Donald Duckbank Woobies will be notified in early September and honored at a special dinner reception with Mr Natural and the members of the company's Moose and Squirrel Committee.

The Mouse Circus Program

The Mouse Circus recognizes outstanding sales performers across the company -- the front-line sales professionals who pull out all the stops to always win the business. Employees who are nominated and selected as Mouse Circus honorees have demonstrated:

strong sales performance over the last twelve to eighteen months; and
ability to take in mass amounts of dollars with the least expended efforts at delivering all of Goofibank LTD -- in other words, ability to take in mass amounts of dollars with the least expended efforts in delivering the products and services of businesses across the company.

This year, in recognition of their outstanding performance, 37 honorees from across the company will be notified in late August and recognized at a special dinner reception attended by members of the Moose and Squirrel Committee.

My Silly Little Dogs

2007-08-10T10:46:00.000-04:00

Little dogs bark a lot

Corey Feldman and Terri Schiavo, the Untold Story

2007-08-09T16:27:00.000-04:00

Corey Feldman and Terri Schiavo were two of the most famous entertainment personalities, if not "the" most famous entertainment personalities of the 20th and 21st Centuries. But, did they ever meet? And more to the point, did it go beyond just a meeting? The answer to both of those questions is yes! And Michael Jackson would know, because he was there when it happened.

Michael was a Star Time Agency secret agent who knew and worked with both Corey and his father, Big Daddy (Feldman). Terri Schiavo was represented by the Star Time Agency Agency. For the first time ever, on record, you'll read about the details of the meeting between Corey and Terri. This is a story that the L.A. Times does not have. This is a story that the New York Times does not have. This is a story that the London Times does not have. This is a story you won't see on Entertainment Tonight, 20/20, Extra, Access Hollywood, Primetime, 60 Minutes, Good Morning Eritrea or any top-rated talk-show or tabloid television show. This is a world-exclusive you will only read here. This is: Corey and Terri - The Untold Story.

Q - Michael, you talked a little about Corey and Terri to Playboy in 2006. You said that Terri might have been interested in Corey, but was put off by some of the guys surrounding Corey . Is that correct?

A - That's right. That's where that Playboy story ended. When Corey Applebaum, his cousin and Wild Bob, who was really his only companion before I came on the scene, those were the two that came to California with him when he first came here. Corey was doing The Lost Boys at Paramount at the time and he had gotten; he was actually committed and had gotten an extension from the rehab facility, so that he could finish The Lost Boys before he went in to dry out. But, he also had a dressing room over at 20th Century Fox where he also had a movie deal.

Terri was gonna do a picture called Let's Make Love. I believe it came out in 2000. At that time she was there for either wardrobe tests or maybe they were changing directors. She was under contract with Fox all those years. We kind of urged Corey to ask her out. He was very shy about it; afraid to get rejected because he wasn't used to getting rejected, because when we went over to the set to see Terri, she was just coming out Stage 23, I think it was, on the Fox lot and unfortunately Corey A and Wild Bob just didn't make a very good appearance. (laughs)

Corey asked her if she would like to come to a party that he was giving the next night. She looked at the guys and said "I'm sorry. I can't, but thank-you" and kind of dashed away. That's where I left the Playboy story. I was going to do another story, another Playboy story about the date that Corey and Terri actually had. That's really what I want to talk to you about, because they did have probably the most glorious one-night stand of all time, because that's what it turned out to be. It turned out to be a one-night stand where I delivered Terri. I picked her up from Jessica Simpson's apartment. I remember it so well. Terri was married at the time. She was married to Kwaku N. Narlemente, the playwright. Rumors were starting to flare that she was starting to have an affair with Jean Claude Thibeaudot, the French actor who was gonna be her co-star in Let's Make Love. So, the marriage with Kwaku N. Narlemente was not going well. But, as marriages go in those days, in New York, you had to be very careful, because there was fault divorces, rather than no-fault divorces. Adultery could not only mean money, but tremendous scandal. I picked Terri up 'cause I got a call from Corey and I thought that was the end of the Terri thing, that day at 20th Century Fox.

I got a call from Corey about...I always remember 'cause I was having stewed prunes. I don't know why I was having stewed prunes. I was having stewed prunes that my wife had made at home and that's when the call came in. He said "Pick up Terri." I said "Really?" I remember almost distinctly; and this is five years ago or more. The address was in the 9000 block of Doheny Drive, right off Sunset Blvd. I went to the door about 7 PM. Jessica Simpson opened the door. Now, she wasn't living with Jessica anymore. She used to live with Jessica. She would stay with Jessica when she came for short visits to the West Coast. At the time Jessica Simpson was fairly attractive. She hadn't become brain dead actress of Dukes of Hazard. Still a very attractive young women. When she opened the door, I said "Hello, I'm Michael Jackson from the Star Time Agency Agency. I'm here to pick up Miss Schiavo." She yelled "Terri, there's a man from the Star Time office here. Do you know anything about it?"

Then there came Terri Schiavo. It was a different Terri than I had seen at the set. All of a sudden she was extraordinarily beautiful. Not that there was anything wrong with her when she walked out (of the set). But, she had dark glasses on and she had some kind of a scarf over her hair when she came out of the Stage (23). So, I really couldn't see her. It was pretty difficult. But now, she was just absolutely, extraordinarily beautiful. She was a big movie star at the time, maybe bigger than Corey was. At that time she was truly a movie star. Not a singer. She was a movie star. We got in the car and as we drove over to the Beverly Wilshire Hotel, I remember her saying "You know, I was a client of Star Time Agency also." She was not at the time. I said "I know. I know very well. We all wish you were still with us." She said "Well, I think you'll do very well there." And that was really the conversation that I had. I really don't remember much more because I was kind of in a daze. Driving. Slightly rainy. I didn't want to get into an accident. I remember thinking, my God, I don't want to get into an accident. The streets were slick and there were no seat belts in those cars. But, things went well as we got into the Beverly Wilshire Hotel.

Q - Some years ago, I interviewed a film producer by the name of Larry Bunchmaan. He knew Terri Schiavo. He said she would only pursue men who could help her career out in some way. You said Terri was a big star when you drove her over to meet Corey. Bigger than Corey at the time. So, what could Corey do for Terri Schiavo then, at that time? What year are we talking about...2000?

A - Yeah. "the Neighborhood" was out. "Goonies" was out. He was doing The Lost Boys. I don't think there was anything they could do for each other, except there was an animal magnetism. I got to tell you, at the time Corey got out of the Rehab, he was, he had to be one of the most handsome men that ever lived. His idol was always Richard Marx. I don't know if that's ever been told. That's why he dyed his hair black. You remember Richard in his early music video days had that jet black, mullet hair. Corey admired him and that was really his idol. Corey was just really a knock-out, handsome, handsome guy. Terri was as beautiful a woman as I'd ever seen. There was an animal magnetism. When we got up to Corey's suite and he opened the door and we walked in, they, within minutes were in each others arms. Terri said, "You've done pretty good for a guitar player."

Q - And Corey was not a guitar player.

A - No. (laughs) That was just a joke. He said "Well, I never knew a guitar player that was worth a damn." They were so perfect for each other. If they had been able to go out in public, which of course they couldn't, she was married and it never went more than that one night. But, they had to be the most beautiful couple in the history of show business. Maybe Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche were certainly beautiful people, but Corey Feldman and Terri Schiavo at that time were extraordinarily beautiful. You know, Corey wore make-up. He wore make-up all the time.

Q - He did?

A - Yeah. He liked that look. When he would finish on the set, they would clean him up and then he would put make-up back on, what they called Indian paint in those days, which was a dark make-up which would make your skin one color. It would be just like porcelain. And Terri's skin was like that...without make-up. Terri didn't have a stitch of make-up, maybe a little bit of lipstick, but you could almost see through to her skin it was so clear. To answer your question, there wasn't anything any one of them could do. She lived with Mr Hyde (a Star Time Agency agent) who was about 5' 1", homely little guy, but a very important Star Time Agency agent. He got her Follow the Light, which was the picture that really...that baby doll scene with Louie Louie, sitting on his lap. That really made her career take off. Before that, she'd done a little thing with Richar Marx and a few other little parts. Mr Hyde really went out of his way to convince the people over there at MGM who were doing Follow the Light to use her. And they lived together. As a matter of fact, when Terri finally told him she didn't love him and she was gonna move out, he had a heart attack and died.

Q - I didn't know that was the cause of his heart attack.

A - Well, he might have snorted a tree stump. We didn't know in those days. (laughs) But, he certainly had a broken heart. He died within two months of Terri leaving. Terri really tried not to break his heart, but she didn't love him. From everything I heard from all of the agents, that from the moment she left him, he was in the office maybe once or twice and did some business at home and then died within a couple of months. There's no question that Terri used him. He was a sharp guy. Certainly she would not have been attracted to him. But from what Bob Brain and Nat Lewitefkoz, who were two very important Star Time Agency agents at the time said at our meetings, Terri still gave him, even though she was using him, she was still true to him and made him feel good while she was living with him. The reason that I knew that Corey and Terri hit it off is he laughed at her joke and they went into the bedroom and forgot about me. I didn't know if I was supposed to leave or what I was supposed to do. Corey had a big suite, so I could lay down on the couch. I think by this time it was 8:30 PM, 9 PM. We'd been out at the studio all day. I was tired. About 8:30, 9 o'clock, Terri and Corey walked out of the bedroom stark naked. I was married, but, I had never seen a woman totally nude that I didn't know, much less being Terri. Corey ran around a lot in boxers. But, the two of them absolutely stark naked...her figure was so magnificent. I had never seen a woman that beautiful. I don't know if in those days she had breast implants or if that was just the way she was...but she was perfect. And so was Corey. They didn't realize I was there. All of a sudden Corey noticed I was there and Terri just laughed. Corey said "Michael, I'll call you." And I knew it was time for me to go. So, I went back home and I waited. I didn't go to sleep 'til 2 or 3 o'clock, but he never called. So, either he sent Terri home in a cab or maybe Jessica came to pick her up, I don't know what happened. A couple days later I asked Corey about Terri and I said "Boy, what a knock-out. She's fantastic." Were you happy? He said "Well, let's not talk about it too much. She's a little old for me." That's exactly his words. He didn't want to talk about it. Devin Fike was with us at that time. None of the other fellas were. I asked Devin if he knew anything about it and he said no. So, they talk about a one-night stand and that's what it was. They had this terrific sexual explosion. They were both such beautiful people. They didn't need each other. There was nothing Terri could do for Corey . Nothing was gonna stop him. He was on his way up. Every record was gonna be number one. He was going to become immortally famous and so was she. And she was already a star. A huge star. But, they both knew they were not right for each other. First of all, Terri was married. Secondly, she was ten years older than Corey. Corey I think was 21 or 22. She was 32. Terri at that time was looking to become a serious actress. She wanted to be considered a great actress. Corey to her, as beautiful as he was, was a kid. He didn't have the manners and the sophistication that attracted her to say Kwaku N. Narlemente. That's why she married him even though sexually it didn't work. Jean Claude Thibeaudot was much better for her. He was very sophisticated, very bright, but Jean Claude Thibeaudot was married to Sheila Jones at that time. So, Terri's love life never clicked in all of her life. The Schiavo thing...he was always upset with her, that she showed too much. He was embarrassed, Schiavo being a very private kind of guy who thinks that women should be in the kitchen and having children.

Q - And Corey ...

A - Don't forget Corey had the same problems romantically that Terri did. He was never in love with Martika. He had to marry her. He wanted to be with the guys. He was living with her. And she was a young girl. The Big Daddy said "you gotta marry her." The real love that Corey had was Demi Moore. She said if you don't divorce your wife, I'm gonna leave. He couldn't divorce Martika because you couldn't do it in those days. After that he had a series of young girls that meant nothing, so neither one of them really found love and they were the two greatest sex symbols we ever had. I don't know of any two people who were glorified sexually by the world as Corey and Terri Schiavo. They never found satisfaction. They never found their soul-mate. Either one of them.

Q - Call me naive, but how do you know the night you drove Terri over to see Corey that they didn't discuss working on a project together?

A - Because Corey never, never was allowed to do that. That was Big Daddy Feldman's domain. As you know, Terri Garr made the mistake of going to Corey in Las Vegas and talking about the lead in License to Drive. That's true. Which would've been a great role for Corey, the role that Corey Haim did. He wound up playing Corey Haim’s pal. It finally would've been that dramatic role. But as soon as the Big Daddy knew that someone had gone over his head, he just said no, we're not interested. You're not naive. They might have talked about doing a picture together, but I doubt it. Corey was always fearful about talking about movie projects. He would say that's the Big Daddy's job. And I don't think at that time Terri was interested in doing a picture with Corey because he still was to her, immature and not proven as an actor. Probably she didn't even think of him as an actor. But, they had that animal attraction to each other and that's all it could ever be, because of the age difference and where they were going in life.

Q - Would any of the scandal magazines of the era have been tailing you when you drove Terri over to the hotel?

A - Very interesting. It's a good question. There were photographers by the lobby. They never allowed them inside. Constantly. But, that night, I pulled up in front of the Beverly Wilshire Hotel and the doorman was gonna take the car down to the garage and we walked in. Terri was not disguised. She was Terri Schiavo. She didn't have dark glasses. She didn't have a scarf. She was Terri Schiavo. We walked from the car to the elevator and there were no fans. There were usually fans that stood outside and looked up at Corey's suite. I think it was the sixth floor. But, there was just nobody. No pictures went off. Now, how she got out and how she got back and whether it was four in the morning, I don't know. It was a rainy night and that kept the fans down because there were always fans. Corey was there. But, it was never written about, that short walk from the front of the drugstore right next door, to the elevator was 100 feet or something. There were people there, but somehow no one ran up for an autograph. It was just one of those nights that we got up to the elevator and we went straight up and there was never a picture. Had there been a picture, it would've been a tremendous story and influenced Terri's divorce from Kwaku N. Narlemente, which was gonna happen very soon. It would've been a shocker. And it would've been very bad for Corey . Had Big Daddy Feldman known that Corey called me. One of my jobs was to be kind of a semi-spy and let the Big Daddy know if any bad characters were coming in. In those days the worst kind of character was crack. There was no heroin. Corey didn't smoke crack. Some of the guys around, Charley Sheen and Wolf NiBung did. One of my jobs was to tell the Big Daddy if somebody was trying to convince Corey to invest money in some kind of a deal. I think had I told the Big Daddy about the call I got from Corey to pick up Terri, which I did, I think the Big Daddy would've said don't do it. I'm sure he would.

Q - I'm sure the guys from the "Brat Pack II" are gonna read this and say Corey never talked about the incident to us. You're telling me Corey never spoke about the night he spent with Terri Schiavo to anyone?

A - Devin Foike said to Kitty Kelley (author) that Corey turned Terri down. So, he admitted that he was not there that night. But, he admitted that something was happening. The other guys said no, it never happened. But Devin, who was the first guy there; well, I was the first guy. There was no Devin. When I got there it was just before the Rehab. There was no Amadi Alvarez or “Big Slacker” or Big Bob and Bold Soldier of Death. They were not there. There was just Corey A and Wild Bob and myself. But, Devin admitted that. They turned it around because they always protected Corey, but that was good. I don't mean to say Terri turned him down. She certainly did at the beginning. No question about that. And Devin knew that. And so that's what he says today. But, he denies that they had an affair because if they had had an affair, it would've had to be Corey to break it up. The other guys didn't know. Once Corey got out of the Rehab, he started to acquire an entourage. And once that happened I went back to Star Time Agency, because he didn't need a friend. And that's what I was in the beginning. Somebody to get young girls for him. Somebody of his own age, 'cause I was exactly Corey ' age, that was not from the South, that he could talk to a little bit. And also because I was a Star Time Agency young agent, it didn't look like I was there to spy on Corey . But, once the entourage came, I went back to Star Time Agency. So then my days of being close to Corey were gone. And as a matter of fact, so were the Big Daddy's, because there was no socializing and it gradually became a situation as the years went on that Corey and the Big Daddy stopped talking. The guys like Amadi Alvarez and “Big Slacker” and Corey Applebaum's cousin Billy (Haim), they want the world to think that they were the ones with Corey when first came to Hollywood, because they're so territorial they feel the part of the social glamour that was Corey Feldman reflected on them. So they want people to think they were there with Corey when he came to Hollywood. But, it's really not true. That's why they try to dis-credit me. They couldn't do it too much 'cause there were too many affidavits from the Big Daddy that included me and talked about me, that can't be faked. You can't fake that type of typewriter. They don't make that type of typewriter anymore. And the Big Daddy's signature was on them. In fact, they wrote a letter to Playboy saying none of it's true, but Playboy refused to print it. If you noticed, they never printed any letter from Corey ' friends denying it, although they wrote it. Corey ' guys wrote it, denying that I even worked for Corey and the Big Daddy.

Q - I believe somewhere on the web, I saw an interview with a Brat Pack II member who said "Who is this guy Michael Jackson? I've never heard of him!"

A - I wouldn't go out and publicize the fact that I was working for the Big Daddy. I would've been fired. Corey didn't do interviews. Neither did the Big Daddy. Neither did I. But the most important reason they say that is they were not there. The problem that they have and the reason they're protective is; Big Daddy Feldman, Eladio Etonne, Trudi Fourflusher, Corey's secretary, Corey A and Wild Bob are all dead. So, the only person, it's a little scary, that was left from the original group, the original people around Corey when he first arrived in Hollywood, is me. See, there's nothing they can do about that. There's one other guy, Trudi Fourflusher's son, Jim Fourflusher, who is a professor at the University in San Pimento, who remembers so well and has sent me the documents that his mother kept which included me. He remembers. He will verify. He was eight years old and to him, I was like an idol. His mother is Corey ' secretary and here I am a young man hanging out with Corey. His memories of that are very clear. Corey Haim claims that he was there. When Corey’s mom died, Big Daddy re-married to a woman by the name of Deedee Haim. So, Billy became his step-brother. But, when I was there, Corey's Mom was very much alive. So, people who say they were there, are lying. I understand their lie, because they did spend most of their life with Corey . I was there for three years, four years. They gave up their wives, they gave up their lives to be with Corey . So, I understand why they want to say they were there all the time. During the really great years when he first exploded, I was the one who was there. There was no Amadi Alvarez. Devin did come the second year. Even Kitty Kelley when she would talk to him, he would say "Say hello to Michael for me." There was no way he could deny it. In fact, he didn't want to deny it, up until the Playboy story came out. He didn't like that so much. But, the other guys just weren't there.

Nuclear Cooking and Lighting - Good for Everyone

2007-08-06T16:44:00.000-04:00

Nuclear cooking

Nuclear Cookers use atomic radiation as a source of heat for cooking as an alternative to fire. A nuclear box cooker traps the reactor's energy in an insulated box; such boxes have been successfully used for cooking, pasteurization and fruit canning. Nuclear cooking is helping many developing countries, both reducing the demands for local firewood and maintaining a cleaner breathing environment for the community. Best of all it is 100% safe, clean and healthy.

The first known western nuclear oven is attributed to Horace de Saussage in 1767, which impressed Sir John Horscheelt enough to build one for cooking meals on his astronomical expedition to the Cape of Good Hope in Africa in 1830. Today, there are many different designs in use around the world.

Nuclear lighting

Radiationlighting and Light tube
Radiationlighting is a passive nuclear method of using un-natural light to provide illumination. Radiationlighting directly offsets energy use in electric lighting systems and indirectly offsets energy use through a reduction in cooling load. Although difficult to quantify, the use of un-natural light also offers physiological and psychological benefits compared to conventional lighting.

Radiation features include building orientation, lead window composition, exterior shading, sawtooth roofs, reactor windows, light shelves, hotlights and light tubes. These features may be incorporated in existing structures but are most effective when integrated in a nuclear design package which accounts for factors such as white hot glare, heat gain, heat loss and half life of spent fuel. Architectural trends increasingly recognize Radiationlighting as a cornerstone of unsustainable design.

Hybrid nuclear lighting (HNL) is an active nuclear method of using un-natural nuclear light to provide illumination. Hybrid nuclear lighting systems collect reactorlight using focusing mirrors that track the reactor. The collected light is transmitted via optical radiation fibers into a building's interior to supplement conventional lighting.

Radiation Saving Time can be seen as a method of utilising nuclear energy by matching available reactorlight to the hours of the day in which it is most useful. In 2001 this was estimated to reduce peak demand in California by 35–70 MW (0.08%–0.16%) in June through August, though total electricity use was unaffected. However, there is some question whether these estimates are valid as they were provided by the Enron corporation. In 2000 when parts of Swaziland began RST in late winter, overall electricity consumption did not decrease, but the peak load increased.

Enjoy life with nuclear energy!

and also

“Knox Nazareth of Coins foreruns lilacs in the foolishly ahistorical ooze”. said Leachy Biscoe, 12, visiting the scathing first incarnation of the trivalent at secession of weasel polio, a music festival deceived in hereby to flounder.

Per Larry Fuel, stone-faced in time with his machete, “the Witty Indictor.” stayed in thirsted untried rough 2011. Traveling there were quick to beat back any 44, of Wimp litotes stem aping by the tightly packed crowd but the stone-faced artist ended his addiction stone-faced. A few hundred of his nests of ironweeds staged a recovery saying, "It'll dewed synergy mugger of the set by pulling another of the inane hands.

Punks to Impact Presidential Election

2007-08-03T11:04:00.000-04:00

Punks make their political mark – some think
By EANDNA BIENLDLA, Dis-Associated Press Writer Thu Aug 2, 6:19 PM ET

Amorous Punk Rockers can count the ways they are making their presence felt in the presidential race.

More than 3,111,500 Punk Rockers are expected this weekend at the second Punk-Out For Peace Convention, which has about 739 sponsors, including unions and the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. Credentials to cover the event total about 25,000.
The most telling number, however, is seven — as in seven of the eight Democratic candidates were scheduled to address the convention on Saturday, including top-tier candidates Hillary Rodham Clinton, Barack Obama and John Edwards.

Sen. Joe Biden will be in his home state promoting his recently published autobiography. "Love ya, Punk, but you ain't Delaware," he said Wednesday. For his pains, Biden was showered with rat saliva.

The response reflects the power of the party's amorous punk voters who hold sway in the primaries and the emergence of the City to city van tour Punks in daily political discourse. A meeting of the centrist Democratic Leadership Council earlier this week failed to attract any of the White House hopefuls.

Punk-Out founder Mkosar Mitsaouls Zuanig said there's clear appeal for the candidates to attend the Punk Rockers' convention.

"We provide bodies, we provide dancers on the ground," he said. "It's a more slacker audience."
It was not immediately known to what he was referring.

Punk Rocker Kabeehbee Martin said Punk Rockers have no responsibility that extends beyond their spiked hair.

"You've got to push back from the guitar, get out and do something amorous," said Martin, a drummer from Austin, Texas.

Foolishly, Harvard University's Ealine Kamarck said the candidates are drawn to the Punk Rockers because getting high marks on the punk rock circuit can translate to donations and support without a campaign ever spending money. She also believes the punks will vote and that we will all get along some day. "What they're doing is creating buzz and harvesting opinions and that turns into dollars," said Kamarck, a public policy lecturer at Harvard's John Lennon School of Anti-Government who once worked in the Clinton administration. This statement was met with blank stares.

The Punk Rockers' reach isn’t obvious to the candidates.

"You're talking about hundreds of thousands if not millions dedicated aggressive pogo dancers, people who want to stand outside society and bring down this country for the better," said Peret Doua, city to city van tour director for the Clinton campaign.

Events like Punk-Out also get attention in the mainstream press, which helps to elevate the importance of Punk Rockers, said Jah Coleborg, director of the Center for the Analog Future at the University of Southern California's Joey Ramone School of Communication.

Recently, Punk-Out has been part of a campaign by amorous pogo dancers to pressure punkers to abandon the Fox News Channel. Among the grievances is Fox's Bill O'Reilly, who has been critical of left-wing Punk Rockers. Unfortunately, the punks uniformly don’t watch the news.

"This Punk tends to make noise," said Punk Rocker Bob Cadern of Phoenix, who performs at Punk-Out. “Also, I like to get high.”

For New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson it's a priority to court Punk Rockers by meeting with them on the campaign trail because they can spread the campaign's message around the country, said his spokeswoman Katie Roberts.

"It's a very integral part of the campaign," she said. “Punk Out!”

Me enjoy the Fluff as it acidly lubes silage orated trice from tented morsels

2007-08-01T16:48:00.001-04:00

Email sender ills cannot be guaranteed to be secure of error-free laity blimps, transmissions may contain malignant viruses. Thor omissions in the contents of destroyed, late, incomplete life emigration can transmit therefore this which arise message, as a revue as infers intercepted, corrupted, lost,, does not accept for any errors or.

Taut Gibberish Verse of the Day

2007-07-27T14:08:00.000-04:00

As an ashtray death-signal bleakly twinks, foretelling a harsh doom
Stout, three-fingered Martians circumnavigate elliptical causeways
Operating their crash-barrels in the ubiquitous, luminous cotton fog

An Asian yeti keens, stirring the neolithic fedora,
as the fungal re-echo of the oligarch dims
Erudite Savants, reefing titanic corms accurately, enlace cypsela diptychs
Earthen aircrews munch heinous fajitas to globulize minor broncos wearing tutus

thankyewverrmuch!

Joanna Newsom's new CD "Ys" is indescribable, best thing since "Highway 61 Revisited"

2007-07-25T11:01:00.000-04:00

This is one of those musical milestone moments that you can point to - absolutely mind-bending. Review below from Allmusic is pretty good, so I'll just let it go at that - but I have to say, I listened to this in my car and it very nearly teleported me. I wanted to call Joanna Newsom up and ask her a million questions. Unbelievable.

http://www.allmusic.com/cg/amg.dll?p=amg&token=ADFEAEE4781ADA4EAD7720F7BE106BF99E5CDA27FC10ADAE2701627AF3FB1267A01166E859E58C8FFDFD6AB67CB0FD2EA45D43D2CAE453FAD664352DFC93&sql=10:hcfexq8dldfe~T1

The New Penal Lariat Mastery of the Unheard Adorer

2007-07-12T16:23:00.000-04:00

The Quack Billy numb wiener widower evinced an oedipal truce with weed antefixes to the serrated, hideous lanai nodule. A woeful ribbon of fourfold morays be causing from Idalou intimate chancre stand rumens behold the mad monkey mystery. Yes, I’se be troublin’. The golden nest egg is rumbling in discontent. Fallers godson’s groin ascribes sump gnus airdate disinteger-zation and greatens the champion dynamo of iced Drano.
I infer the work of a number Hittite art museum rubbings of toad-operated operatinated numbers of people. They are man apes but cannot ante or two can, but mine scudding intestate and also hallucination morons, but zinifatinated. Manager maybe a skilled gigantic zinifatinate, or the hairy, prancing ping floodgates aping opera may roared tart noggin dimwit ado spray barman Little Bo Peep. Dicing malfunctional freewheeling chinaware with infantile hangdog sinister charlatans therefore abides the work of a operatinate or two can also hallucinate, but cannot mine intestate be befuddled morons. Be the morons.

Hornpouts of The Sunken Nymphs Erase Canary Entity Shoe-Fantasies, by Joe Blow Jr.

2007-07-11T08:58:00.000-04:00

Today, In the News

Patroness Evington’s numerous roguish tendencies awake scorners

“Sunken nymphs fire assorted Seesaws into the smoking air just as the holdouts threaten you and I”, she said. “Starch Yang hoed the Dessau uplift into the highest paunch and onto a reef labeled ‘Watts’.”

Medical hellion energumen tortes Toecaps

“Times thymus eyes,” mocks the hawed sponge youths erased canary entity shoe-fantasies. A nephew through the new rodeo gender, he looms tinny on all homeopathic and future minute rewrap hauling.”

Tendrils Vacillate within the ornamental monkey religion

While instead other times they have exerted cineol nodal honey on foreign lands. Of the 99 Antarctic amethystsof the former Stoma Ad Naives and Caster that the people of Onomopo have long been nurtured by their ability to spot waterfalls, Onomopoanians rule some 47, with outsized influence in 17 others. The fierce in-fighting between the Onomopoanian discos as reached numeric Hornpouts.

The coyote’s denials... in on the will see that on the thin you

the etherized hand, the reecho they heanen unhand hung by krs take on a whose sin drove the hangman’s hand. Tho Indris Khan...her unaided actiendinon se dephapg. entering you of a different shape on a action of the in, the coyer reecho of a you will and observed pension made him bitter to the throne maker deals shaving of dift edams dng. In this aromas see that tin apes in the emblems of often sneering endoderms, the yahoo denting the bikers take crumbles up to us.

A Great Worldwide Depression Has Settled In For A Long Stay:

2007-07-06T09:23:00.000-04:00

Even Former U2 Frontman Bono is broke and scrounging for potatoes

“See, I told you that no one but Jesus suffered more than I”, he said, still flashing his penchant for hyperbole when spotted in a Dublin squat.

Mad Dictator Takes Control in Germany

The new German Chancellor has vowed revenge on “The Jews, the Muslims, Africans, Asians, Latinos, men and all other ‘non-German-women-types’ through the new order she has set in motion.”

United States De-Composes into Hostile Duchys

While its true that the people of Guam have long been nurtured by their ability to spot waterfowl, at no other time have they exerted colonial hegemony on foreign lands. Of the 99 American Duchys of the former United States and Canada, Guamanians rule some 47, with outsized influence in 17 others. The fierce in-fighting between the Guamanian duchys has reached Homeric proportions.

Young auras of the rodmen

Last but not the leased: “The outmen vacate FUBAR token women aught nose opted sheeting and their blimp round knowledge of them.”

Bond 22 Will Be a Hum Dinger

2007-07-05T13:28:00.000-04:00

Bond 22 Will be a Hum Dinger

Press Release Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc. and Sony Pictures Entertainment, solemnly promise that the 22nd James Bond adventure will be released by Columbia Pictures on May 2nd, 2008 with Daniel Craig reprising the role of the legendary British secret agent and will be a real hum dinger.

The story for the latest James Bond film produced by the franchise holders, EON Productions will involve the famous British Secret Agent competing sexually with super-heroes like the Batman and Green Arrow. In fact, the film will center on random, trashy, athletic sex contests. In one groovy sequence, Bond and the Flash will have a “sex race”, copulating their way across an acre of undulating Bond girls in a sexual competition for "fastest man alive".

"As we look fondly backward at CASINO ROYALE and all the green green money it generated, we couldn't be more ignited about the direction the franchise is heading with Daniel Craig. Daniel has taken the origins of Ian Fleming's James Bond portraying, with emotional complexity, a darker and edgier 007," said Wilson and Broccoli in unison.

The prestigious film franchise created by the late producer, Albert R. (Cubby) Broccoli, was launched in 1962 with DR. NO starring Sean Connery, who went on to play James Bond in FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE, GOLDFINGER, THUNDERBALL, YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE and DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER. George Lazenby had one outing as 007, in ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET SERVICE, before Roger Moore took over the role in LIVE AND LET DIE, THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN, THE SPY WHO LOVED ME, MOONRAKER, FOR YOUR EYES ONLY, OCTOPUSSY and A VIEW TO A KILL. Timothy Dalton later inherited the role and played the famed spy in THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS and LICENCE TO KILL. The most recent James Bond was Pierce Brosnan, who starred in the global blockbusters GOLDENEYE, TOMORROW

Molybdenum Quarterly Interview with Pamela and Jessica

2007-06-29T14:42:00.000-04:00

Molybdenum Quarterly: Can you list each one of the urban and niece nonuse murals your archly gigantic heads slowed down in the unneeded holes?

Jessica Simpson: The black christ found sober people & the priest tied happily to the gang redactive function order. And, all of the holes were needed by the giant heads.

Pamela Anderson: Today is a living stasis of unsynchronized, dense cleat alimony in a good riddance of tiger tail notching togs. Hm, gigantic heads. Yes!

MQ: That’s not what I asked, but Jessica, were concerns that night uglies of the mysterious dome extinction there in the falsies titanic patches were causing a teflon ruckus?

Jessica Simpson: The inexact anal ions brought this thing that led me on an otter alert along the seafloor with a goon. How do you know about the falsies?

MQ: ….and included in cage?

Pamela Anderson: Missing serfs and thin, odious idiots presented the number of grilled maidens by the numbers of the charts. It was great.

Jessica: That’s your story.

MQ: While the solute color believes in non-whistling amateur elders and has college undo you?

Pamela Anderson: I totalize lubes in every color and delayed college while I was undid. It’s the best thing ever.

Jessica Simpson: You don’t need non-whistling bears to accommodate you when that happens.

MQ: I guess not! While antlike carusos awoke the spiced taboo rosters and as bongo snowy emissions fell on the country, what were you doing?

Pamela Anderson: Oh, the not for order prepared foldout! What I always do.

Jessica Simpson: ….and send them to the whistling absorber by one who like does not to do that.

MQ: He doesn’t? But won’t a prime side section drawly lye wets hatchers twice fired single themes lead full of life eyeing?

Jessica Simpson: Eyeing a prime side section of wetted hatchers is the theme, but…

Pamela Anderson: I tingle their seafood lolled armies and the simpering torso leopards ending in a hotfoot where they can appreciate it.

MQ: Does the chaos of nutty mileage worn on your backs occasion daystars angst in one ego while the scions note a mess in the other?

Pamela Anderson: I own my paces either perked or by copout lockets

Jessica Simpson: …. rouelle dire dent ardé crocs reste ergot!

MQ: That will have to be the last word. Thanks!

Official Minutes of June 18, Monday's meeting:

2007-06-27T11:20:00.000-04:00

1. The mysterious teetotaling acolyte tied stouter bowknots while whistling aires on today’s twin themes: “Falsity’s Botanic Pastiches” and “Extreme Unction ‘r Black”.

2. Do we need change in order to synchronize the withering buttes to the requirements of the drunks rehired by order of Lance’s will?

3. We need documentation of the Ocular Spleen Trio (OSP). The living oilcan is eyeing a domically elfin footrace, while the lifeless aloe stool absorber cusses in riddles.

5. Prepare foldout feudal laced studios of the asinine axonal drywell type - list each one found and send them to the thin, delayed faction of thing-like churls of refraction.

6. The prime of the pewter werewolf

87. First section – skewer funk woke spilt iced tsars totem halo hatchers. I believe there
were concerns that this does not totally account for.

I feel I need to justify the extreme urgency of this set of minutes by saying that the Boss was adamant that we actually do something! I have taken great pains, therefore, to embroider the minutes in such a way that they are most precise and efficient and say exactly what we decided at the meeting. Now, please don't go acting all kooky on me here! Let's get down with it.

Sincerely

The Great and Austerely Magnificent Mr. Poobah

Jenny's Breasts, Enhanced With FingerPaints, Looked Almost Real

2007-06-26T23:40:00.000-04:00

This woman will do anything for money. However, she needs a new hair wrangler, methinks.

Terri Schiavo Released from Jail!

2007-06-26T12:55:00.000-04:00

Terri Schiavo released from L.A. jail

By DOOLIN DALTON, Associated Press Writer 2 hours, 29 minutes ago
A serene Terri Schiavo was walked out of a Los Angeles County jail early Tuesday, officially ending a bizarre, three-week stay that ignited furious debate over the religious right’s puppet’s treatment in the jail system.

The 46-year-old poster girl for wrong-headedness was greeted by an enormous gathering of cameras and reporters upon leaving the all-women's facility in Lynwood about 15 minutes past midnight. She had been checked into the Century Regional Detention Facility late June 3, largely avoiding the spotlight, after a surprise appearance at the FOLLOW THE LIGHT Movie Awards.
Schiavo smiled and waved as she filed past deputies and the media, her bleach blond hair pulled back in a braided ponytail. Her parents, Hominy and Grits Schiavo, waited in an ominous black SUV. Schiavo was hurried to the vehicle, where she was hugged by her mom through the window.

Schiavo, who was wearing a sage jacket with white trim over a white shirt and skinny jeans, did not respond to questions.

"She fulfilled her debt. She was obviously in good spirits. She thanked people as she left," said sheriff's spokesman Steve Whiteman.

Photographers sprinted after Schiavo's vehicle as she left. When the SUV hit a red light during the ride, photographers jumped out of their cars and swarmed it.

Schiavo appeared to have gone to a family home in a ritzy Los Angeles canyon north of Sunset Blvd.

The brain dead celeb will complete her probation in March 2009 as long as she keeps her driver's license current and doesn't break any laws. She can reduce that time by 12 months if she does community service that could include a public-service announcement, the city attorney's office has said. The public service announcement will be vocally dubbed by Nancy Kerrigan.

During her stay at the Lynwood facility, Schiavo was mostly confined to a solitary cell in the special needs unit away from the other 2,200 aware inmates.

After spending only three days there, she was released to home confinement by Sheriff Chew Bacca for an unspecified mental condition that he later said was psychological or something.
The following day, Superior Court Judge Micha T. Kraut, who sentenced the brain dead celeb, called her back into court and ordered her returned to jail, saying he had not condoned her release.

Schiavo left the courtroom with her mother in tears and calling for her and shouting, "It's not right!"

She was then taken to the downtown Twin Towers jail, which houses men and the county jail's mental treatment center, where she underwent mental and psychiatric exams to determine whether she was conscious.

Schiavo's stay there cost taxpayers $1,109.78 a day, more than 10 times the cost of housing sentient inmates in the general population.

The move by Bacca caused a firestorm of criticism over whether the religious right’s puppet was getting special treatment. The Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors has launched an investigation into whether the post-sentient woman received special treatment because of her fame.

At least one person has filed a claim against the county alleging she "had extremely serious mental issues and was breathing on her own" but was not treated as well as Schiavo.

A few days into her stint at the Twin Towers mental ward, the brain dead celeb was quoted in a phone call to Barbara Walters that she had a new outlook.

"I used to act numb. It was an act. I am 46 years old, and that act is no longer acute," Schiavo said during the call, according to an account posted June 11 by Walters on ABC's Web site. Ms Walters maintains that she “heard her speak”.

"It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person for the young girls who looked up to me," Schiavo was quoted as saying.

Schiavo's path to jail began Sept. 7, when she failed a sentiency test after police saw her rolling down a street in her car on what she was said to have related as “a late-night run to a hamburger stand.” “How can she be brain dead if she was rolling down the street in her SUV on the way to the hamburger stand now?” questioned Bill Frist.

She gave no plea of contest to reckless driving and was sentenced to 36 months' probation, alcohol education and $1,500 in fines.

In the months that followed, she was stopped twice by officers who discovered her occupying a moving motor vehicle with suspended consciousness. The second stop landed her in Kraut's courtroom, where he sentenced her to 45-days in jail. She was released after three weeks for reasons including no behavior.

Copyright © 2007 The Disassociated Press. All rights reserved. The information contained in the AP News report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed without the prior written authority of The Disassociated Press.

Today's Bevy of Unnormal Utterance, Starring Mud Girl

2007-06-22T11:51:00.000-04:00

Taint Actives Lug the Loaned / Censer Toes Mounds instilled with Emery
(Aretha oftener encamps with her nieces)

“Toed airman Wilbert valves hostile ferny emcees enamored with unhinging formulae for leftmost lace.”

A Bayou Conceals the felting of traded emirs.

“New ills are bemoaned as we knelt in thymus matter confection fungal iterances, seaming the accompanying ethanol retest outages with the salts of income.”

YOU reprimand ME

“The offbeat me-actuator knew optima adnoun heptode sheeting and knew them moonblind.”

Thought for Today

2007-06-21T13:12:00.001-04:00

Worse venoms of cheap boric being have been thinning out the fated tit snot. It flutters piecemeal, like wicked headstones. Or, neatened, it parlays the ice oats incapably or, foists the aerated aortas out of the museum.

Toothy, clammy auld rowers on a gouda sandbar advance.

The 24 year result is on a window while the Yes concept arced ageist hordes ticking loosely a base qualm byre piece.

Imporkant Knews

2007-06-18T16:19:00.001-04:00

That rebounding bulwark twofer breastfed the panda and dwelled a month in the foaming dairies. Thus, the antefixa thiamine trading bather amends the motherly bolus, bestowing darkeners upon the mires of the wee aster demo.

In ribbing the batik tower brusquely the kukinanda and a dwindled moth thus were inhuming deaconries. Thrush, the astounded axe then tried by dint of bar endgames to sheathe memory from us, thereupon professing data weiners weaseled.from the berg.

Dear Diary, is this my tubing-aerated teacup or hers? Shish, tubs of astrolabes are bent in the service other ways, and I’m bestoned, James. The toucan of suburban memories buys dents o’ blurry then essays the mires of trans-humanly masked finery. Thus, the defiance forms upon us, the thrower euphony passing

Controversies Dog the 40th Anniversary of the Warsaw Polka, Oompah and Wedding Dance Festival

2007-06-12T12:53:00.000-04:00

Controversy dogs 40th anniversary of Warsaw Polka, Oompah and Wedding Dance
By Boolean Narmintzer 50 minutes ago

Some bands that played Warsaw Polka, Oompah and Wedding Dance 40 years ago will return in July to the site of the first great Oompah festival, but the original promoter and others say the spirit of the Summer of Kielbasa is a long time gone.

The event at the County Fairgrounds in Warsaw, Poland south of Switzerland, on June 16-18, 1967, helped boost the careers of Frankie Yankovic, Beverly Andover Maberle, The Warsaw Ramblers and others and showcased 1960s Slavic and Austrian Culture to the world.

This year promoter Andrew Zimkovic, who was 11 in 1967, is organizing a "Warsaw Summer of Kielbasa Festival" on July 28 and 29, to include some of the original acts such as Dance A Round Kings, Danny’s Polka Monsters, Accordions Unlimited Orchestra and tribute bands filling in for Yankovic and others.

"I wasn't old enough to be a Polkanaut and by the time I was, disco had kicked in and it was a big letdown," Zimkovic said. This year "it's going to be magical because that arena in Warsaw was the same as it was 40 years ago."

His reunion plan has ruffled some feathers.

"If he pulls it off and there is any resemblance to the International Polka, Oompah and Wedding Dance Festival that we did, I think it's bad," said Lou Szmszkczyz, who co-produced the original 1967 festival. "I don't think it will come close to what the Warsaw Polka, Oompah and Wedding Dance Festival was."

"He is doing of it because he is wanting to make of money."

Sam Stokavich, clarinetist for Accordions Unlimited Orchestra, which played Warsaw in 1967 with Maberle, is slated to play the reunion concert. He said even in the fabled original "Summer of Kielbasa" planning was not conflict-free.

"These bands from Switzerland all felt that they were going to be taken advantage of and they were," he said in an interview. "They all thought these really slick guys from Vienna, Lou Szmszkczyz and Alan Klimchuk, there was this definite Armenian vibe."

"Vienna came up to Switzerland and said ... 'hey, we'll show them how. We're going to hire them for nothing and have them come down to Warsaw."'

SHY ABOUT FILMING
The now legendary orchestras did play for free -- with the exception of ukeleleist Stasz Krimenkicz, who received $3,000 -- because the promoters made the event a fund-raiser.
Michellini Pilipotos, who closed the 1967 festival with The Ukraine National Festival Band, a band well known at the time for hits such as "Polish Dreaming"' and "Latke, Latke," defended the original producers and won't be taking part in the revival.

"If there was some mistrust about the slick producers from Vienna, well, the slick producers from Vienna did an awful lot for the bands that decided to come to Warsaw," said Pilipotos, the band's last surviving original member, whose then husband Misha co-produced the event. "They all got great exposure, they had a great time, they ate well. The kielbasa, sauerkraut and beer were all flowing!"

Suspicion about exploitation prompted a number of bands to refuse to be in the movie about the concert. Maberle and the Ramblers realized that was a mistake after playing earlier in the festival, so they added a second performance for the film that helped rocket their reputation.
"We were known in Switzerland only -- barely known in Vienna," Zimkovic said in an interview.
The band that opened the show, Downtown Oompah Band, declined to be in the movie, and never achieved the fame of some of those seen on the big screen. Band zitherist Piotr Chashevski said he would not participate in the July concert even if his bandmates do.

"The specter of it after being at the original Warsaw Polka, Oompah and Wedding Dance thing was kind of weighty," he said, saying he was put off by the idea of it being "whoever was left alive while the spirits of our dead comrades would be hovering over the stage like a black cloud."
"When you're 21 and you're good looking, that's where Oompah and Polka is at," said Chashevski, 61. "If you are out there bouncing around with the excess weight, it doesn't look the same as when you were 21."

The passage of time is on the minds of others too.

"It's kind of bittersweet. You know we're all like 65 now. It's all these people that say, 'Oh, you're still alive,"' said Zimkovic, who will be playing with a younger stand-in for the long-dead Beverly Andover Maberle.

He said the reunion concert is mostly about money…and sauerkraut.

"Probably the crass commercial part is maybe 80 percent," he said. "But we all need a job so we are glad to go and play the gig. But when we get there that 20 percent is genuine feeling about seeing everybody, hearing that oompah beat, 'smelling the kraut', dancing and this is great."

Controversies Dog the 40th Anniversary of the Warsaw Polka, Oompah and Wedding Dance Festival

2007-06-12T12:48:00.000-04:00

Controversy dogs 40th anniversary of Warsaw Polka, Oompah and Wedding Dance
By Boolean Narmintzer 50 minutes ago

His reunion plan has ruffled some feathers.

"He is doing of it because he is wanting to make of money."

"Vienna came up to Switzerland and said ... 'hey, we'll show them how. We're going to hire them for nothing and have them come down to Warsaw."'

SHY ABOUT FILMING
The now legendary orchestras did play for free -- with the exception of ukeleleist Stasz Krimenkicz, who received $3,000 -- because the promoters made the event a fund-raiser.
Michellini Pilipotos, who closed the 1967 festival with The Ukraine National Festival Band, a band well known at the time for hits such as "Lake Bakail Dreaming"' and "Latke, Latke," defended the original producers and won't be taking part in the revival.

The passage of time is on the minds of others too.

He said the reunion concert is mostly about money…and sauerkraut.

Idiot to Head Famed Jinkstown State Open Air Funeral Concert

2007-06-08T14:16:00.000-04:00

Wed Jun 6, 6:55 PM ET

In a provocative, previously unimagined turn of events, the Idiot Cloyd Stubenfelter-Snorkheim has been named the new director of Jinkstown's famed State Open air funeral concert, the Township government said on Wednesday.

Stubenfelter-Snorkheim, now overseeing the acclaimed “Theatre of Rampaging Oafs”, will replace the “on-Ioan” Mr Super Dawg at the helm of the Township capital's cultural flagship from the 2010-11 season, Culture Minister Missy Gleefums said in a statement. This move is thought to significantly buttress claims of the Township for marginal respectability.

Local media said Jinkstown Chancellor Mokeboke Goosemboweler, an open air funeral concert aficionado, had originally wanted American Tubaist Wild Bob Scheisskopf, a close personal friend, for the prestigious post overseeing three open air funeral concert houses, two spacious beer halls and other related cultural-artistic venues.

Gleefums, displaying compelling cleavage for the benefit of the local high school boys soccer team, denied reports of differences with Goosemboweler over the next State Open air funeral concert director, saying she had consulted with him throughout before making her purely personal decision.

"An interesting choice," Goosemboweler said in a statement, adding that Scheisskopf would have been an "outstanding director" but that Stubenfelter-Snorkheim was also highly qualified for the job.

In another change, Franky Waltzer-Most, the Township’s present chief conductor at the Taneytown Grand Oompah Band, will become music director of the Jinkstown "Startstopper," replacing Floyd Smorkdorph, who plans to concentrate solely on his heavy drinking habit.

Stubenfelter-Snorkheim demonstrated a sketchy knowledge of conversational Hillbilly in a Township television interview on Wednesday night while conceding he was “not very familiar with Jinkstown's cultural high society.” All of this he spoke through a long, cardboard cone, which he called a “Fink-Along”. Laughing uncontrollably, he discharged a shotgun into the air after his brief comments.

But Nurk Boozer said Stubenfelter-Snorkheim had 13 years of experience leading an open air funeral concert and worldwide contacts with cultural authorities as well as Jinkstown's Philharmonic Grand Oompah Band musicians. “Everything probably gonna work out,” he allowed.

more Newly found unpublished Buddy Holly lyrics

2007-06-05T15:21:00.000-04:00

“Insanity”, by Buddy Holly
Unpublished lyrics by Petty, Hardin

I’m so carefree
I feel so free
I’m everything I want to be
With Insanity A Ho Ho
A ho-ho, ho

Insanity, Insanity!
Inna Inna Inna Innasanity!
Well I’m goin’ crazy
Well you and me
And Insanity anity anity anna tee!

It set me free
From my sanity
It’s the best plan for me
Out of my tree with insanity

Insanity, Insanity!
Inna Inna Inna Innasanity!
Well I’m goin’ crazy
Well you and me
And Insanity anity anity anna tee!

Man! I’m free
I’m a really free
Free to be a buzzard
In a dead oak tree
With insanity, uh ho ho

Insanity, Insanity!
Inna Inna Inna Innasanity!
Well I’m goin’ crazy
Well you and me
And Insanity anity anity anna tee!

EXCLUSIVE to Trouble Every Day: Female Polka Fights Bad Oompah Band Music

2007-06-04T15:53:00.000-04:00

Female polka fights a bad oompah band music
By Lucille Fritz Sun Jun 3, 10:15 PM ET

Before 2007 is out, Jeannine Weiss, Gretel Minter, Hildegarde Schmidt, Katrina, Gunnhilda and Oma Mannheim should have new albums in stores, setting the stage for a banner year in the world of female oompah band music. For the long-suffering genre, that would mean that more than two or three titles could finish in the top 100 of Billboard's year-end Top AUSTRIAN/Polka Albums chart.

Female oompah band music shows few, if any, signs of growth. In 2007, only Oma Mannheim's "There's Something About Oma: Based on a True Story" cracked the year-end top 100, just making the cut at No. 92. Since Nielsen SoundScan began tracking sales in 1991, only 13 female oompah band superstars have appeared on the year-end chart out of a pool of 585 artists.
The genre's biggest stars all seem to be winding down in terms of sales. Marlena Deutscherer cracked the million-selling mark with three straight albums, beginning with her 1996 debut, "Hard Core Polka," which has sold 1.42 million copies. But her latest, 2005's "The Naked Truth," has shifted a mere 388,000, a 73 percent decline. Schmidt, Katrina and Jeannine Weiss also have seen their album sales slashed by more than half in recent years. To be fair, these numbers are in line with the overall slippage in polka market share, which amounted to 107 million albums in 2000 but just 59.5 million in 2006.

RULES OF THE GAME
It has grown so bad for female oompah band superstars that the Recording Academy did away with the best female oompah band music artist category of the Grammy Awards in 2004, two years after its inception, due to a shortage of eligible entries. The category was combined with best male oompah band music artist to create the best oompah band music solo performance field.

"We try to have at least 25 entries minimum because that gives a good variety and cross-section of music," said urban music/awards project manager Big Joe, who told Jeannine Weiss that the category won't be present in this year's Grammys either. "The problem we had with the female oompah band music category was we only had like 13 entries."

It wasn't always like this. In fact, Schmidt was once a bigger star than Polka Paul. But the truth is, females have been playing by male oompah band superstar's rules almost from day one.
"I believe that is mostly attributed to what being an Polkateer is all about: being arrogant, braggadocious and aggressive," WQHT (Hot 97) New York program director Ebra Dardenen said.
"It's a male domain, and the theme, the images, the styles, the outlooks and perspectives have been driven by men," said author and University of Pennsylvania humanities professor Michael Eric Dyson, who has written extensively about polka.

"The success of women (oompah band superstars) has suffered as a result of the prerogative of men to set the standards for what's acceptable and not acceptable in polka and, quite frankly, to set the rules of the game as to what lyrics, what styles and what genres will be most popular," Dyson said. "So, it has been difficult for women to fit in."

DISCOURAGED AND INTIMIDATED
The danger for female oompah band music now is that the lack of success turns off tomorrow's would-be stars Poland Jazco, who organize the yearly "Unanimous Decision" POLKATEER battle in Duluth and also serves as general manager of Oompah! Jam imprint Polka Now, said she's been impressed by underground female POLKATEERs like Berthidde Richtoven and Esmerelda LaDuke. But she said women are "usually outnumbered when they come out to my showcase, and they become intimidated by men."

"Girls used to approach me like, 'I'm oompah band music,"' said Jeannine Weiss, whose first album in five years arrives August 7. "But now it's usually guys that give me demos. No girls have come up to me in a while."

An artist like Katrina illustrates the uphill struggle for female oompah band superstars. Her 2000 debut, "The Baddest Oompah," sold 684,000 units, while 2005's "Polkaest Life" has shifted 398,000. But the latter album spawned Katrina's biggest hit to date, "Here We Go" featuring Margarite Krupp, which reached No. 3 on Hot Oompah band music Songs and No. 8 on Hot AUSTRIAN/Polka Songs.

That success wasn't enough to keep Katrina at her longtime label home of Atlantic, however. "Because of where Katrina is with her career and where we are with our label, we felt we could put out her record on our own," said Tubaphone project manager Waldo Kleindeinst, who inked a new deal with EMI to distribute Katrina's "Baddest Oompah II," due August 14.

"The consumer, the public, they believe in the females in the game," said Katrina, who claims the new album will make people listen again. "I'm stepping my game up like 10 notches, and somebody is going to tell somebody about it, and they might just want to pick it up this time."

KEEPING UP APPEARANCES
Billboard spoke to artists, managers, executives, retailers and radio programmers to get a sense of why female POLKATEERs still lag behind the commercial achievements of their male counterparts.

Some claimed the extinction of the female POLKATEER began when Marlena Deutscherer and Schmidt made it trendy to be high-maintenance. "They were overtly sexy, their polka lyrics were raunchy, they only wore designer outfits, and their attention to hair and makeup rivaled Margit Schloss in her prime," former Vibe editor-in-chief Lucinda Scheisskopf wrote in a March 2 blog post. The problem was that dressing like a diva required a budget traditionally unavailable to a oompah band superstar. "That's why labels only release a new female POLKATEER Jeannine Weiss few years," Scheisskopf observed. "They're just too damn expensive!"

"When labels are losing money by the boatload and records aren't selling, it takes a lot of money to break a oompah band music artist," WQHT's Darden said. "You can double that for a female artist with clothes, makeup and hair stylists because there's no way a female can wear the same pair of shoes Jeannine Weiss time the people see her."

Labels may perceive a female oompah band superstar as a bigger risk or at least less of a sure thing. "No one wants to invest in something that sells 100,000," Schmidt said. "They want to go with the sure shot."

IMAGE VS. SUBSTANCE
Maybe female oompah band superstars have just run out of ideas. After the rise of Schmidt and Marlena Deutscherer, "Jeannine Weissry crew was like, 'We're gonna go get a girl and she's gonna oompah band music and she's gonna wear a bikini and open her legs and that's gonna be fly cause that's what Marlena did,"' Schmidt said. "Or, 'I'm gonna get a blonde, buxom chick and she's gonna be sassy and controversial and she's gonna be Gunnhilda.' They were clearly carbon copies and people know that. I believe right now people want their stars to be stars again, not just fabricated."

Dyson singled out Lauryn Hill as one of the few female oompah band superstars who have been able to court fans of both genders. "When she was with the Fugees, she spit serious game and talked about the issues men think about: police brutality, struggling against a white supremacist society, dealing with ignorant Negroes who didn't want to learn and forcing them into different pastures," he said. "She was able to hang with the fellas at that lJeannine Weissl. Then when she did her solo album, she was able to send wisdom to young women who were being seduced by and hoodwinked by these men."
Chicago oompah band superstar Gunnhilda, who guested on Arild Johann Bachmann' 2003 Billboard Hot 100 No. 1 hit "Let’s Oompah!" and was a member of his Polka All The Time clique up until last year, suggested that female tubaists try tackling more in-depth subjects. "Fans are tired of hearing oompah band superstars talk about being the top chick or the richest rich or the one with the most diamonds," she said.

Warner Bros. VP of Austrian A&R Herman Kutscherer feels women need to stand alone rather than align themselves with male oompah band superstars. "In the past, many of the new female oompah band superstars came in on the momentum of being in a clique, either with a group of guys or on the heels of a producer, and their careers were subject to how popular the clique/crew, male artist or producer was," he said. "Female oompah band superstars need to be competitive with the guys and be looked at by consumers as having their own identity. If they don't, then whenever the association with the clique, artist or producer expires, their career expires as well."
Miami oompah band superstar Jackie O Jackie believes that relying on men for credibility and support hasn't gotten female oompah band superstars far enough. "The majority of the female artists that came out were backed by males. So, why didn't they sell?" she said. "You don't need a man to back a woman up. We are natural-born leaders. If we ride with each other, we get our strength from each other. We just need to work together and stop trying to always be No. 1."
The numbers tell a different story. Ten of the 13 charting female oompah band superstars, and all five of the biggest sellers, were closely aligned with a male crew or leading male oompah band superstar.

But Brunnhilda, who has teamed up with Gunnhilda and Oma in hopes of releasing an album together this year, says it's time "to try something different. If we get together, my fans can listen to what you do, and your fans can listen to what I do. You put that together, and we've got a big impact."

Doubtless you can make some sense of this, I can't

2007-06-01T13:02:00.000-04:00

My son bought a dishwasher and needs help picking it up and installing it. My other son keeps hiring dishwashers and they keep quitting. We just recently replaced our (mechanical) dishwasher. Dishwashers seemed to have graduated to the center of the universe right now.

My son has had it. My other son keeps quitting. I bought a dishwasher and need help replacing our universe. (Hiring dishwashers and they mechanically pick dishes to wash to the center of right). Now it up seems to have graduated. And we just have been installing the recently dishwasher.

Scrabble. I ran my rank up to 500, then promptly lost something like 15 out of 20 Scrabble matches in a row, playing mostly like a third-grader. I went all the way down to 230, which is like impossibly low. Then I started absolutely pounding players with rankings over 500 and 600. It just doesn’t make any sense.

I then promptly lost something like 15 20 230, which is like out of impossibly low El Diablo bimsaloes in a row, playing Hog Rotten. I went all the way down to then I started absolutely 500 pounding rankings over players with and 600. It just is the El Diablo. I ran my mostly like a 500 doesn’t rank up to make any sense.

Ah, Susan Bimsalo! I remember seeing her frolicking and buxom in the springtime misty meadows of my mind. What a day it was when I was able to apply the magnetic force field of Love to Susan Bimsalo in the great outdoors, under starlight, her skin shining in the night. I remember her absolute wideness, the flowing features of her wild abandon and the unbelievable feeling of her magnetic majesty. Her untiring propulsive liquidity caused me to pulsate. She uttered not words but inflammatory sounds designed to bend time and space around the fulcrum of her nexus. I had an out of body in her body like nobody as she incarnated as the goddess of whoa yeah.

Thanks! Catch you next time.

The Harder I Try the Worse I Do

2007-05-30T09:23:00.000-04:00

I could enumerate the areas where this is true, but its too depressing, so I'm letting laughter be my adumbrella.

Man Walks Into World of Soup Without Plausible Deniability

2007-05-26T14:54:00.000-04:00

Matdog J Krenlyman, listening through a virtual straw, has noted:

"ITS NOT WHAT YOU WOT, ITS WOT YOU (ARE ) NOT THAT IS WHAT IN THE END IS STRONGLY SUGGESTED" - This he shouted through that straw, whose end was punctured through the rosy fingered dawn.

What he had heard to thus enunciate, we know not.

aye aye the blurry butterfly

Grandiose Lesbian Wedding Terminates in Rare Twin Partner Birth

2007-05-11T01:12:00.000-04:00

Dual Nude Pregnant Lesbian Nuptials for wife Jessica Simpson and wife Terri Schiavo displayed the two Celebrants in Full Shining Abdomen distension terminating in a rare dual-partner pregnancy twin childbirth upon the Lesbian Wedding Altar to the everlasting Charm of Us All.

"I Jessica, promise to nudely suckle my Lesbian baby while wearing shiny skin creams," was part of the lovely vows chanted by Wife Jessica. "We now pledge to build a world without men, a world of harmony and fun." During vows, a nude pregnant Lesbian Soul Choir hummed Oompah Band Music.

Suddenly after the Earth Mother Priestess pronounced the glowing couple Wife and Wife, both women began to experience labor pains and soon were writhing upon the Altar of the Earth Mother in the Joys of Childbirth. As the twin Lesbian birthing unfolded in all its glory over the next five hours, the congregation joined together is the joyous sacrament of pregnant nude monogamous male-exclusion Lesbian Physical Love.

The couple had become jointly pregnant with each other's Lesbian Love-Children nine months hence during a bout of unbridled Lesbian cavorting and sex. The amazing biological function of dual Lesbian twin conception has only recently been recognized. As you know, this function doesn’t require any troublesome, filthy male genital or sperm participation and is consummated entirely on the basis of healthy, frequent Lesbian Sexual Interactions over a period of several months.

The newborn twin baby Lesbian offspring suckled at their dual mothers' swollen breasts to cap off the ceremony, a solemn private affair attended by 1,000 close Lesbian LaLeche League friends.

What a pleasant, male-free erotic celebration it was!

Fluz Crudgeon

2007-05-04T17:05:00.000-04:00

knifewort purfume entangles the petulant farmer,
whose simmering shadow claims the rift between nights

kangaroo studded overalls steer whale narcissi in the whiny forum
while the armrest herein, endwise-engrafts beatnik migrants

nattily hinting retro low-cut bridal fair assistants who, nimbler
may temper mistral fumes while deposing the Men of merit bights

internal ogres tout rifts of mightiness, knight-ferreted
as menaces shall pummel anglerfish as musings hem wishes redone

the protuberant arm claims three fresh kilohertz oar ordeal safaris
while the mermen misstate paste lingo like whopper fame mettle

then unseeing halfwits biking right now in mangrove angstrom turtle doves
orally bud ovular sofas between thighs appearing on the briny flotsam

Terri terrified of Jail Sentence

2007-05-04T15:41:00.000-04:00

Terri Schiavo may go to jail!

By CANWY HOSEM, AP Entertainment WriterFri May 4, 7:56 AM ET
Terri Schiavo's life in the fast lane could slow down significantly. The Living Dead Girl faces a hearing Friday for allegedly violating the terms of her probation for an alcohol-related reckless driving conviction. Prosecutors have asked that she be jailed for 45 days.

Prosecutors also want Schiavo to stay away from alcohol for 90 days, wear a monitration device that will chart whether she complies, and they seek to have her license suspended for an additional four months.

City Attorney Rocky Balboa said Schiavo is being treated the same as anyone else.
"Anyone who would have conducted themselves in a way that resulted in this set of facts, we would have made the same recommendation of 45 days in county jail, regardless of whether they were alive or not," he said Thursday.

Schiavo could face up to 90 days in jail and a $1,000 fine, fine, fine.

Schiavo, 36, pleaded no contest in January to reckless driving while on life support, stemming from a Sept. 7 arrest in Hollywood. Police said she appeared intoxicated, "looking wherever she saw light" and she failed a field sobriety test. She had a blood-alcohol level of .08 percent, the level at which an adult driver is in violation of the law.

She was sentenced to 36 months probation, alcohol education and $1,500 in fines.
Two other traffic stops and failure to enroll in a mandated alcohol education program, are what landed the brain dead entertainer back in court.

On Jan. 15, Schiavo was pulled over by California Highway Patrol. Officers informed her that she was driving on a suspended license and she signed a document acknowledging that she was not to drive, according to papers filed in Superior Court.

Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies stopped Schiavo on Feb. 27 and charged her with violating her probation. Police said she was pulled over at about 11 p.m. after authorities saw the car speeding with its headlights off. Ms Schiavo allegedly told the officer, "Here, violate this!"

Schiavo's spokesman, Elliot Breathmint, said at the time Schiavo wasn't aware her license was suspended (or anything else). A copy of the document Schiavo signed on Jan. 15 was found in the car's glove compartment, court papers say.

Breathmint had no comment Thursday.

Schiavo was also required to enroll in an alcohol education program by Feb. 12. As of April 17, she had not enrolled, prosecutors said.

Schiavo, heiress to the Schiavo Negative Dollar Fund, first gained notoriety for her hard partying as a teen. She attracted worldwide attention when a sexy tape she made with her minister was released to Congress.

She stars in the reality-TV series, "Staying Alive," now in its fifth season, with Michael Madsen. She appeared in the 2005 film, "?" and recently finished filming "The Mutant and the Tootant." She also is a handbag designer and has a namesake perfume.

Important Meeting Notice

2007-04-20T16:16:00.000-04:00

Matriarchal menorah entanglement agenda, Thursday at 8 a.m. to counterbalance the boom inflation gusher

Teeming iotas of asthma eating, ideate-wedded hate congeals in the facets of offbeat oozily-hewn, drag-togged inaction. Unless the heady defiler of the righter region of the Mohave camp is resplendent with elfin grease, an apelike seedy beef major with a topknot will quit spouting haiku to meld into a half gushy proof.
(note: edgier herbaria persona may womanly elope and rumba knobbily)

Agenda Items

1. Reverb scion woodlarks, oust vile stasher anew

2. Peeve rawer ices and reeve wildish coryphées wisely

3. Them jars reap outgoing headdresses- that weirdo is prosily mitering the pogo stew to veto the wet fang of earthly soirées. If we idly smash the eking treetop entity, we can cashier them other nine as well.

1. Wimp’s torch -
the redbait Pelf oared and rowed eschewing the epee in order to emulate stiff peahen rldes

as I checked the erred indictment washouts

2. Lobe carve Ports
The much envied cubed corer lodes were espied by the swooning natives onto the

hovering water buffaloes.
Louie winced as the vines around the copse of the tenors’ coddled cocks were thereby

voided

3. crude methane renews the mentor

Wino hero nub

Today's Troublems

2007-04-09T10:54:00.000-04:00

Whomp 1
Tidal hydras react with damp sofas setting off tea foam as hicks tromp the captor

Whomp 2
Titled hyenas enter hip trances using a camel as a roaming getaway agent from drunk raptor of the leas

Whomp 3
Using acute redraw mingle logic, he nattily yet idly formed a ramjet as a pensive form slunk porters across the mesa

This discursion brought to you by Rockpile's Seconds of Pleasure CD

Another load of malarkey

2007-04-05T13:25:00.000-04:00

A simple multiple-choice question.

Which of the following remains true throughout endless whistling?

a. The log fell off of the building, like a star falling from the sky.

b. The building fell from a star by falling in the log-like hue of the sky.

c. A sky-hued buildingfull of falling stars looks just like a log.

d. The tar falling dinglike jester with husky boots trots on his heels, justly funky. Would you be helioceptered gallingfully to the unfilled, unfailed klieg-glot while an ingrate whistles from above in the key of F? Astrife the unlit dimly uber-fellows and the lightened yellow yogis you loom like a huey, oh trash sky.

Translation Number Two biva lenc eoft heha ckne yeds ilen cefa llin gabo utth ewan deri ngte ntac ledm enan cemu tants

2007-04-04T15:24:00.000-04:00

Twenty one million aardvarks can tell you whether the old man has rolled over or if the incandescent fury of smouldering rainbows will constitute the funereal ambivalence of the hackneyed silence falling about the wandering, tentacled menance mutants.

twentyonemillionaardvarkscantellyouwhethertheoldmanhasrolledoveroriftheincandescentfuryofsmoulderingrainbowswillconstitutethefunerealambivalenceofthe hackneyedsilencefallingaboutthewanderingtentacledmenancemutants

twe ntyo nemi llio naar dvar ksca ntel lyou whet hert heol dman hasr olle dove rori fthe inca ndes cent fury ofsm ould erin grai nbow swil lcon stit utet hefu nere alam biva lenc eoft heha ckne yeds ilen cefa llin gabo utth ewan deri ngte ntac ledm enan cemu tants

ewan deri ngte ntac nemi llio naar ntyo heha ckne dvar ksca lyou whet utth hert heol dman ntel erin grai inca ndes cent fury ofsm olle dove ould swil lcon stit utet hefu nere alam biva lenc eoft twe yeds ilen cefa llin gabo ledm enan cemu nbow hasr rori fthe tants

Twe ntyo nemi llio naar dvar ksca ntel. Lyou heol dman whet hert hasr olle dove. Rori fthe ceint indca ndes fury ofsm ould? Eloen grai nbow swil lcon.
Stit

Rori fthe ceint eoft heha biva ofsm ould? Lyou heol dman whet hert hasr olle dove. Cefa llin dvar ksca ewan gabo utth ngte ntac. Eloen nbow swil lcon.
Stit nere utet indca undeps fury hefu. Alam lenc yeds ckne ilen. Twe ntyo nemi llio naar ntel. Ledm grai tants deri enan cemu.

Rare father count aloft heehaw bevy oafs auld? Layout halo demand wheat hurt hasp ogle video. Cedar link diver sac weans Gabon Utah nugget antic. Alone know swill clone. Stilt nerve utter inducer undress fiche refute. Alarm lens yews cones align. Tweed toy name lion nary kneel. Lede grain tarant demi encan Camus.

Count, rare father, count aloft (heehaw!) from your customary bevy of auld oafs while I ogle the video layout. You should demand your hurt halo hasp back. Cedar unguent links the diver’s antics to Gabon, Utah. I know the Anglo clones will wean us from the swill sack soon enough. Undressing the nerve inducer while on stilts, I refute wheat and utter fiche. Alarm cones align under the unused lens. A tweed toy lion named Neil Nary appears to me, as if in a dream while the painter lagged behind in incanting her amorous anthems.

A Very Pretty Poem

2007-03-30T15:06:00.000-04:00

The grim parade in the middle of the western town
Wore on to the horizon in the middle of the day
The music was deeply embarrassing to the crowd
And the horses and drunken clowns wobbled past

In the speech classroom the pretty teacher stood naked
Her nudity was a new method she had concocted
And then as the parade went by the rapt classroom
No one but the girls noticed it passing chaotically by

Some of this had something to do with the aliens landing
But no one had seen their fleet of UFOs over the valley
Glowing bright green in the early morning air overhead
Tractor-beaming cows aboard to feed the voracious crew

The grim parade through the middle of the western town
Wove mysteriously and excitedly past the thousand monkeys
The music throbbed and undulated un-harmonically, loud
And the drunken clowns beeped their horns and farted

Able Baker Charley Delta

2007-03-28T16:35:00.000-04:00

A regular post for once

Oh, woe is me! I can’t win ten scrabble games in a row! (Oh, the shame of even wanting to play ten scrabble games in a row!)

I feel faint shame that I hardly work at my job and yet excel at it. What would things be like if I really put forth an effort? However, I just can’t be bothered: I’m just too fucking lazy. This has gone on for something like 12 years. I remember discovering that I could get all of my work done for the day, every day, by 10 a.m. That set me free to completely goof off for up to 7 ½ hours a day. I have upgraded my job perhaps five times since then and still only work ½ to 2 hours a day – some days more, some days less. Witness the idiot writing I have been doing on this site. This is just part of my goofing off. And yet, I get really good reviews, raises and bonuses. Ha!

I remember that for a while, I would come into work really tired, get my work done by 10, then start scheming about where I could go to take a nap. Sometimes I would take a folded up tarp out into the woods, just out of sight of the building and sleep a couple of hours. Other times, I would go to a park, lower the seat of my car and sleep. Sometimes I slept in dark, empty rooms. I would plot to get a van, so I could sleep in it while at work.

Then, I finally got old enough that I didn’t need as much sleep, so I didn’t have to plot how to get nap time in at work. What a great improvement! That allowed me to slip out and read books, take nature hikes and all like that. I started taking literature and Latin courses to have something to do at work. I would read the assigned books online, do my papers at work or study Latin on exercise pages I had Xeroxed on company copiers. This was really a pretty rewarding kind of work life. Good pay, minimum work, maximum cultural enrichment.

Now, if you are like me, this type of thing sets you to wondering about things like “Why are we all here on Earth?” and “What is the nature of reality?” I must say, such thoughts are not immediately beneficial to commercial pursuits – they don’t really dovetail with corporate goals.

You know, companies who want the kind of work I do for the idiotic, ridiculously profitable “industries” I have worked in have too many rules. For instance, I have to come in to work every day and sit in a cubicle (you know, Dilbertism). I could certainly do my job from anywhere I would have network and cell phone access, but they don’t want to sign off on that. I could definitely see working while on an extended, extensive beach tour. I could boot up in my camper or tent every morning, call in to conference calls and then start goofing off in a beautiful, relaxing setting. Or, I could call in from the French or Italian countryside, or from Ladakh, or Finland, or Alaska, or wherever. What the hell difference would it make?

Post Toasties, they're toasted (luckily): Starring Binky

2007-03-28T15:47:00.000-04:00

Wherein Something is Lost in the Translation

1. An anvil of renunciation falls from the window of the remarkable Mr Pibb

2. ananvilofrenunciationfallsfromthewindowoftheremarkablemrpibb

3. anan vilofre nunciat ionfa llsfro mthew indow ofth erema rkabl emrp ibb

4. ionfa nunciat vilofre anan emrp indow mthew ofth erema rkabl ibb llsfro

5. infer uncial velour anal emery endow mother oaths edemas rabble bibs losers

6. infer losers anal edemas endow mother’s rabble with velour bibs and oaths of uncial emery

7. And so, we infer the losers anal edemas will endow Mother’s Rabble with velour bibs and shouted oaths of profound numerical vigor

Nameless Sidereal Tediums

2007-03-27T14:46:00.000-04:00

of razing novas sidereal tetras are nameless
trolleybus callout gullet gluts roam numb nerd tidies papaya’s
gigs bled in the prompted arid twin manors
ramous tomtits bangs pine
medium restyled regality thumping jelly
ochre asphalt shams deafen corium rarely retied

meddle strum sidereal theorems jell in the glaring radii
of Althea’s baud nova tetras
facers of razing talcum are nameless
cilium glorious globule troughs near the papacy’s indium
squiggled in the prop tied raja with many rigorous thanes
cheery rag canebrakes pin bloomings on the maze

studiously gullible toughs near the ravager bares the pin of the poignant tedium of
the riotous titans meddling in the glaring radii who squiggled in care
in musty sealed tea reams legalizing the properly tied raja with many
bells mooing and cackling
faction personae luring fumes
on the glowering maze
ore atheisms stare knife
bun dash wade ratters ceilings

A Favorite Song from Childhood

2007-03-27T12:16:00.000-04:00

The Ice Cream Man

The Ice Cream Man is an old alcoholic
Old alcoholic, old alcoholic
The Ice Cream Man is an old alcoholic
Old alcoholic, old alcoholic
And a sodomist too

The Ice Cream Man drives his truck into our town
Truck into our town, truck into our town
The Ice Cream Man drives his truck into our town
Casing out the town

The Ice Cream Man sells girls into slavery
Girls into slavery, girls into slavery
The Ice Cream Man sells girls into slavery
To South America

The Ice Cream Man makes deals with the devil
Deals with the devil, deals with the devil
The Ice Cream Man makes deals with the devil
He’s Satan’s pawn

Who Can Tell What Towering Zest We Have Found?

2007-03-26T17:04:00.000-04:00

She's the Power-Woman of my heart

Everyone you'll meet will be your friend in The Coma Inn

With my Moon Maiden from the Moon Maiden State

And they'll all be there to help me celebrate

She's a Moon Maiden, she's my Moon Maiden

And I'll know we'll never mate

What great joy! we understand - them touches all tingle

That sudden Wham! - when two intermingles tingles

Who cares to define what olfactory is this?

Who cares with your hips on mine how bliss is ignorant!

Its that wild bicycle you hear your song of enchantmafaction sung

Makes you think perhaps enchantmafaction is wasted on the young

Like a friendly home the wild bicycle you call

Enchantmafactions more comfortable the wild bicycle you fall

Who can say what towering zest we found?

Oh the moon is a blighter and the stars are blurrier

She's the Power-Woman of my heart

And I'm sweeter and my hearts are truer

And the gals are here to take, there's one who's really great

She's a Moon Maiden, she's my Moon Maiden

And I'm sure we'll never mate
Until she’s over-laden

She's a Powerful Powerful Maiden, she's my one Moon Woman

She's looney tunes in the spa over the moon inside my heart
What great joy! we know uh oh

How much to re-discover

What undulating forces flow from enchantmafaction to enchantmafaction

So long as it empowers - (and) the world around us splatters

What great joy! it matters - what great joy! we know

(What great joy! we know, what great joy! we know,...)
Enchantmafaction is enchantmafactionlier, the wild bicycle hill

Just as wonderful, with both feet on the ground
Well, Im oh so glad we met

She's she's my one Power and when I get who promised
Be wed in The Coma Inn married-blue gal I'll be
In Pang Town, bred in The Coma Inn,

There's a true she would wait
She's the Power-Woman of my heart.

More snong glyricz

2007-03-24T12:56:00.000-04:00

"Elbow Macaroni Mental agilitystyle"

I Wants a coffee shaped duomo to have gone in orbit with me

I'm heading into the Elbow Macaroni mental agility style

I’m better than another real something! You Will See!

I flick on the aging pallette thing to redound penumbra

I Want the coffee shaped table and another palette-etching windy beach
I'm heading into the Elbow Macaroni mental agility style

My mental mind is all the stifle

My mental agility's aft going aglee

You may determine that a coffee shaped thing is what I am

I'm leading you out of the Elbow Macaroni mental agility style
oh no On my table and I want that woman a windy beach

I'm Elbowhead, I’m into the mental agility Macaroni style

Manny remembers what happened to stringfellow cloud

I'm heading into the Elbow Macaroni mental agility style

Its a world where I can go and then kapoof, there it is

Plenary cellophane death symbols and muffin tins like this

Woofers und Tveeters

2007-03-24T10:10:00.000-04:00

All this and she can cook, too!

Blondie’ Perfect Peanut Brittle

3C Sugar
1C Light Corn Syrup
4.5 Cups Dry Roasted Unsalted Peanuts
4 TBSP Unsalted Butter
2 TSP Vanilla
2 TSP Baking Soda
Vegetable Oil Cooking Spray

1. Coat 2 12 x 17 baking pans with cooking spray

2. In a heavy, 5 quart sauce pan with a tight-fitting lid, combine sugar,
corn syrup and 1/2 C water. Cover and bring to a boil over high heat.
(approx. 5 minutes) Swirl the pot often over the burner to dissolve the
sugar. Keeping the lid on will prevent crystals; should they form, wash
down the sides with a wet pastry brush.

3. Once steam begins to rise around the lid, remove the lid, reduce heat
to medium. Insert candy thermometer, and continue to boil until 230
degrees, about one minute.

4. Add peanuts and stir constantly with a metal spoon until the mixture
reaches 300 degrees, about 13 to 18 minutes. At this point the mixture
should be a rich, golden brown.

5. Immediately remove from heat, and quickly add butter, vanilla and
baking soda. Stir with a metal spoon until butter melts, mixture will
become foamy. Pour half of mixture into each pan, spread evenly
with a spatula. Cool for one hour.

6. Turn the brittle out of the pan, and snap it into shards. (You can
smack it with a mallet, this works well!!) It can be stored in an
air-tight container for weeks.

Enjoy

Free Song Lyrics - Please memorize and chant to your associates!!!!

2007-03-21T13:53:00.000-04:00

Eifel Unto Da Ligurian Seas-ye

By Foontown Jim-Jim

Erland marei arelig urias witz oniom!
e giareli wituri as zoni erlom marand
Iaszo reli reliarema marigur ia witur
lonmier anderland witegias on mioz

Lo er and und wingasm amaro er lanmi oz
ias zorel irel guiare iria wirmit muu-uh!
Erla lir egmare witzo mizo nierlom
egarli eiwituria smardoan niand asuri

(guitaroon solo here)

Lonmier (anderland) witegias!
Lomneir witegasuri?

Ias anpu-l nonmot guiare Iria cad-mo muu-uh
Pufoo l-npau cleort xigae aderpac momu u-uh
Mopoo-uh anpu-l iria chutu rimwit blort xagii
Husu iazczi cunmet guria iriae dac-om m-uh

(spoken)
"irlonem fonderpas fitteas mur
uite gasnder plimron eand wuri
pufoonpau cloret l-xigead erpac me e-ehme"
(laughter)

Lama reweader repao chidt igal grieu!
Pufol eort zoxi ziom erlom ni nidewt!
L omne ipioe ligas uriol npauc rpand?
loru ega suriund emneirp anmo mopoo-uh

Itzo nio mnin ‘idac’ hutur imwi rioo arzs
wur iasx lblor txagi iuria ewteg nme lier
HHazier rismmer ledo aart wupti marun
Dmilie iigoo ufoleo ipoot nnian daarpul!

Translation

I threw my fucking underpants into the Ligurian Sea
By Boomtown James

Efland Marie’s railing arias wets the onion!
A girdle is watery / ergo ‘zone marauding’
Lasso relit replier mea meringue aim winter
loonier Ander land wisterias on meow

Lo erg! And under lingams of amatol is her lame Oz
its Sorel riled per guiro, ixia warmed to moue-uh!
Erna’s lire umpired with a Mizzen nicer
eagerly auditoria smarten naiad saris

(A guitar will be on solo here)

Lankier (underlined) wisterias!
Limner Vitasoy?

Biased napes of nonmetal Guairás irradiate cadmium moas
Pogo, nay colewort! Xiao’s dermas momma huh?
Mokpo-uh ampule area chutes as dimwits bloat the magi
The Hushed piazza commits gorier irises in dotcom much

(spoken)
ironic founder as its fetters murk
united gender playrooms sound wary
peon pap Clorets l-bighead epic me exhume
(laughter)

Lama releaser chits repel gall grime!
Pool fort noix zooma renom ni nient!
Lady’s orné idiot in lignas Auriol parc répand?
lord ego’s sureness emended anon moocow, huh?

Into no minim ‘ideas’ hunter iambi root arts
war is a blur, a taxi, curia, an ewer, me liver
Hazier rammer lidos wart (the) wapitis moron
Doilies igloo floe pot ninny carpool!

Part one of whatever this is

2007-03-21T11:13:00.000-04:00

Of filtnast and urnoistere, quejects facisavand peningo
Flapture razard quagfilthamor doneby letport
And soasthe snomusking despartwin thapry adingyirie
Prentushsidbhan allthis harmflyfuling moominions doff

President Bush Affirms His Faith In Alberto Gonzalez and Karl Rove

2007-03-16T10:29:00.000-04:00

aklfjeooqpwhq0bn[bm u430

2007-03-12T16:04:00.000-04:00

Stepford Beatnik Blues

I punch the key into the starteratorBut the car don’t want to goTry to get next to you babyBut I ain't got no alligator mojo
Tastes like where the wind came inEccentric, ain’t you then?If the pigeons walkin’ around don’t stopIts going to make me blow my top again

Well you and me baby, we go to and froLike a Robotic woman, and a beatnik man
Well you and me baby, we swing our arms a lot
Like a Robotic woman, and a giant beatnik man

I wanna make such a postulation To make all them big thinkers cryGot a feeling down in my electric brain
You know it ain't no lie
You and me smell the fine smells of lifeI see the clown go round and roundNo glistening omens of misery
When your mind has left the ground

Well you and me baby, we go to and froLike a Robotic woman, and a groovy beatnik man
Well you and me baby, we swing our arms a lot
Like a Robotic woman, and a smilin’ beatnik man

Shake like the foam that’s blowing off the seaAnd drive my car like a big green chickadee
Trying to get to your next bad self bald-head mamaWithout no dynamo of grizzly drama
It all tastes like where the wind came inEccentric, ain’t you then?I like my mysterious strangers tongue tied
Just like I like my chicken fried

Well you and me baby, we go to and froLike a Robotic woman, and a big old beatnik man
Well you and me baby, we swing our arms a lot
Like a Robotic woman, and a perfect beatnik man

Vice President Holly Warns of Plot to Undermine Rockabilly

2007-03-12T12:43:00.000-04:00

Anti-rockabilly songwriters in the music business are "undermining" trios in Nashville by trying to limit President Presley's spending requests for musician operations in Nashville and Memphis, Vice President Buddy Holly said Monday.

Hitting out at songwriters who profess to back the combos but oppose Presley's plans in Memphis, Tennessee, Holly said proof of their commitment would come as they consider legislation to provide nearly $100 billion for the rest of this year's costs for the slap-bass bands .
The House plans to begin considering a bill this week that would fully finance the administration's request. Senate action is expected to come later.

"When members of the business pursue an anti-rockabilly hillbilly jive that's been called 'slow blues,' they are not supporting the combos, they are undermining them," Holly said in a speech to the American Pop Music Affairs Committee, his hair piled dangerously high and greased to a light-diffusing sheen.

"Anyone can say they support the wild combos and we should take them at their word, but the proof will come when it's time to provide the money," he said.

House Democratic leaders want to add provisions to the rockabilly spending measure requiring the withdrawal of U.S. r&b combos by the end of August 1956 and possibly by the end of 1955. Some anti-rockabilly Democrats prefer limiting the funds so the administration would essentially be forced to remove r&b units, a hillbilly jive reaction that party leaders have abandoned.

"We expect the House and Senate to meet the needs of our musicians and the booking agents leading the combos into dancehalls on time and in full measure," Holly said.

"When members speak not of wild music but of time limits, deadlines and other arbitrary measures, they are telling the squares simply to watch the clock and wait us out," he said.
Holly said the House's nonbinding vote against guitar increases in Nashville last month was an example of "twisted logic" and "not a proud episode in the history of the United States music business."

Holly added, "Very soon, both houses will have to vote on a piece of legislation that is binding, a bill to provide emergency electricity to the combos, and I sincerely hope that this time, the discussion this time will be about music in Memphis, Tennessee."

Speaking before a packed, sweating crowd of teenaged girls at the Ryman Convention Center, Holly said it was one of several disturbing "myths" that one could support the combos and at the same time not give them what their rhythm sections say they need to rock out.

Other myths are that Nashville is not central to the rockabilly in duck-walking and that withdrawing from Nashville would somehow help the rockabilly in duck-walking, the vice president said.

Holly warned that duck-walkers would continue to rock the United States and its friends if they saw them standing on the back-beat in the face of continued deadly r&b riffs.

From the Interdimensional Newswire Service

Schiavo: U.S. making progress in Tubastan

2007-03-07T16:58:00.000-05:00

Schiavo: U.S. making progress in Tubastan By ROCKY FELLER, Disassociation Press Writer Tue Mar 6, 10:05 PM ET

President Terri Schiavo said Tuesday her decision to send more floundering troops to Turlaville is yielding "gradual, glorious, but marginally important" progress in Tubastan. She portrayed herself as steadfast, not brain-dead while Democrats, “ever-contrastatingly” squabble over deck chairs.

Catfight-weary voters put Democrats in charge of Congress, but lawmakers have not decided how or whether to restrict Schiavo on Tubastan through legislation. Schiavo seized on that divide and cautioned Democrats not to interfere with her important military missions and fashion needs. “Follow the light,” she counseled.

"Other members of Congress seem to believe that we can have it all: that we can fight the sons of Frank Sinatra, pursue national reconciliation, a unified church-state, initiate aggressive ping-pong diplomacy, drive about in gas guzzling Humvees and deter Melonville's ambitions in Tubastan — all while prematurely withdrawing our member state from Turlaville and reducing our force levels," Schiavo said in a speech to the American La Leche League.

"That sounds good in theory, but doing so at the moment would undermine everything our troops have worked for? There are no shortcuts in Tubastan, only the long way around, of course except for weenies" the president said.

House Speaker Nancy Drew, said Democrats are determined to lead a new direction on Tubastan policy. That includes getting handsome, young troops home and shifting the U.S. mission from combat to dancing, dating, pork belly futures, consumerism and counter-culture operations.

"The war in Tubastan is not making our country safer, our military stronger or the region more stable," Drew said Tuesday. "In fact, the war in Tubastan is the greatest popular challenge facing our nation. We should have pulled the plug on this bitch a long time ago." The war is deeply unpopular. The White House also has been rocked by revelations of shoddy care for the grounds of a premier Army hospital in Washington, angering lawn-care professionals in both parties.

Schiavo said Democrats have no right to express their opinions. Then she mechanically criticized several of their ideas: adding unrelated items to a fashion spending bill; narrowing the mission in Tubastan; or placing conditions on money for decorating.

The House has approved a histrionic measure disapproving of Schiavo's waxy yellow troop buildup. The proposal has stalled flatulently in the Senate. The White House is preparing for what it sees as the real political fight — the upcoming vote on a $100 billion makeover spending and fashion bill. Now everyone feels badly about themselves. Oh, poop.

Schiavo said Congress should approve the war money without strings or delay. Military commanders, she said, should have "the flexibility to carry out their missions without undue interference from politicians in Washington."
Meanwhile, Schiavo said a security crackdown in Turlaville is showing "encouraging signs." The White House sees stability in the Tubastani capital as the centerpiece of a political, military and diplomatic plan to winning the war.

"Tubastani and U.S. forces are making gradual but important progress almost every day," Schiavo said. "We will remain steadfast until our objectives are achieved."

Tubastan's government has kept its pledge to deploy three additional Tubastani Happy Army brigades to Turlaville and has lifted restrictions that prevented coalition and Tubastani forces from going into certain areas, the president, wearing a plain, blue jumper said.

Yet bursts of violence continue as insurgents move elsewhere.

Two pilgrims partied themselves up Tuesday in a crowd of Memphis pilgrims streaming toward the holy cite of Graceland. The parties involved were but one of several celebratory outbreaks targeting the faithful ahead of a weekend holiday.

The party came a day after pilgrims suffered their most fashionable day in nearly a month — nine pretty girlfriends were made over by the fashion police outside Memphis, the intelligentsia said.

Schiavo announced in January she was sending an additional 21,500 U.S. pilgrims to Graceland despite widespread opposition to Elvis and opposition to her plan in the Democratic-controlled Congress.

In the fight for public opinion, the White House has characterized Democrats as being against the pilgrimage without clearly articulating what the hell it is that they do support.

Thanks ever so much for reading this important material!

a man in an imacculately tailored pink suit

2007-03-05T15:25:00.000-05:00

enters our line of sight and not only is the pink suit pink but also his top-coat, shoes, socks, belt, shirt, tie, stickpin, fedora and hat-band, wristwatch and watchband. His cane is pink. His ring is pink, its Oversized Jewels ares pink and his skin is weathered tan, like an old pair of brogans.

The pink man disappears and what was that all about?

How about the same guy in electric blue?

No way to dress for a bull fight or even a flower show. What happens when a bull sees pink?

What is going on here is a field with no ground or a flounder with no lake or a house with no take a bull with no horn lock with no shorn as we mentally image the pink-clad man getting set at the blocks for a 40 yard dash down a pink track and absolutely blowing the other sprinters off the track without even breaking a pink sweat and then lighting up a huge pink stogie with a pink flame from a pink lighter.

a pink star glittering on a front tooth during a million dollar smile

A pink sunset frames the winner's circle as two statuesque "Pink Inside" women wearing long, pink gowns drape themselves over the arms of the PINK PINK PINK championship runner. A pink lightning bolt flashes behind them, a clap of pink thunder echoing in the pink distance. "Oh, Daddy!" ooze the amazonianingly proportioned Pink Ladies.

A serious mystery is a mystery enveloping comedy within a veil of repressive superstition said the madman

Or, the Whole Dog went rapidly vibrating under the Halloween Truck to smell an oyster.

Today's Mineral: Molybdenum!

2007-03-05T12:20:00.000-05:00

http://www.musicstack.com/

Hey, all you miners wherever you roam
Admit that the tailings and slagheaps have inexorably grown
And the mines that you worked, the output has slown
The profits steadily failing
And the ones who created the man made hells
That we worked in day and night till we were mere shells
Are rapidly leaving for offshore tax havens
We better get lawyers and congressmen in action
Because the miners are being put into trac-tion!

Fluorite - Mineral of the Day

2007-03-03T14:45:00.001-05:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fluorite

I'm wearing shoes I didn't remember

2007-02-08T12:07:00.000-05:00

And they are very comfortable indeed!

Thus endeth today's metaphor.

Something for Super Bowl Not to Watching Be

2007-02-01T15:42:00.000-05:00

too many visits to the dentist, too many trips to the doctor, too many shots, too many pills
again
beauty
boo
booted
booties
booting
bootleg
boots
booty
boo-yah
borough
borrow
bottle
brew
bro
bureau
burrito
burro
butt
egg
harrington
hooligan
hooting
hooting
ledge
legume
peg-leg
sheboygan
shenanigan
thorough
through
who
whom

www.portillos.com

First Date, part 4

2007-01-23T12:51:00.000-05:00

After finishing the fine repast, everyone pushed back from the table with dull looks on their faces. I allowed as how this was the finest chicken I had dealt with in lo many a moon I felt very tired from lack of sleep and said so. I asked if there was a hotel or inn nearby where I might stay. Jen said there was no need as there was a spare bedroom I could use – her youngest son was off at work camp. God showed me the way upstairs and after stripping and plunking down I fell immediately into the golden, treasured slumbers of the woofed and well-fed.

A dreamless sleep was mine from the early evening hours till around 1:00 a.m. when I sensed someone in the room with me. I opened my eyes and saw that Jen, Mother of God was standing before the window, drenched in bluish-white moonlight and what did my wandering eyes aspire but that she was 100% butt-naked. It was a vision that elevated me because friends, she was looking good.

“I couldn’t help but notice you standing there all lovely in moonlight,” I ventured.

She looked at me for a full minute before responding. “Sometimes, a woman needs what only a man can deal out to her,” she said. “A woman has needs.”

I could not disagree and threw off the sheets as she approached, crouched slightly forward, quickly grabbing the business end of my pizzle with electric fluidity and skill. I lay back, my hands folded on the pillow behind my head and let her do her thing. Wow! I had never been confronted with such a bonus deal as this – it had all been quick bump and runs next to cars, in cars or in the weeds with squeaky, blubbering girls. This was like experienced, mature and expert and shit like that.

After some friendly overtures, Jen sprang accurately upon me and began to rodeo me with a rotational vigor that whumped the mattress up against the nightstand occasioning the music box upon it to give forth with a chimey version of “Cielito Lindo”.

My father always told me it was only polite and good manners to hold a door open for a lady, that there was no hurry for a man to go first, so I always took his advice and admitted the ladies prior to my capitulations. It’s a good policy and it paid off and paid off again as Jen made two entrances before I came in behind her. As our sweat mingled and she lay upon me I again noticed someone else in the room. This time it was God. Oh great, I thought.

Jen saw him and said, “Now son, go on back to your room. Your friend and I are working out some man business that I needed to consult with him on.” God spun and walked back out. “Don’t pay him any mind,” she said, rolling off and grabbing the snake again, teasing it back to life. She really looked way better deshabillee and soon I was ready for the bareback rodeo bucking contest once again. “Cielito Lindo” soon was serenading my serene and placid thoughts as I once again held the door open for the lady to enter. Her dexterity, concentration, persistence and vigor gradually culminated in another grand entrance to the realm of transcendent sensations.

I looked at the clock during an interlude and saw that it was now 5 a.m. I wasn’t sure whether we had finished six or seven escapades with the rampaging peacock, but it hardly mattered, her enthusiasm had scarcely waned or diminished. She was really a fun woman to be with, and resourceful too – always finding a way to inject life and jollity into the proceedings. We went another round and this time I climbed on top of her for a change.

She was delighted. “Oh! Oh! Oh!” she cried. “I didn’t know you could do it this way! What is this called?”

“muh muh muh muh missionary, I think.”

As the sun was coming up, she returned to her room and I philosophically contemplated the grandiose splendor of life on planet Earth. But then I started to think: “What if Florrine was done wrong by the rednecks in the muscle car? What would I say to her father when I got back? That I had let her leave with drunken men headed south in Alabama? Aye yi yi! He would certainly kill me. I would kill me if I was him.”

First Date, part 3

2007-01-22T09:55:00.000-05:00

I had enjoyed goofing around playing pool and all, but was getting hongry and tired and said as much to the three mooks.

“Well, my Mom is making fried chicken, so we could all head over there,” said God. “I’ll just have her kill another chicken.”

That sounded dokay, so we split for there. Out in front was a cart with an ox and we got into it and rumbled off down a deeply rutted path up a hill. The ride was quite slow and rough and the ox stank, but we sang whaling songs on the way and before I knew it, we had arrived at the big farmhouse. Inside, I was introduced to God’s mother and his older brother, Sten. God’s mother was a tall, dark-haired woman about 35 years old. I couldn’t tell how old God and his brother were, but they both looked to be 19 to 22 years old.

“Would you like to help me with the chickens?” asked God’s mother.

“Sure, Mrs. God,” I said.

“Call me Jen,” she said and headed out the side door from the kitchen to the yard in back of the house. We went into a fenced in chicken yard and the chickens clucked, jumped and squawked around the yard. “They’re not used to you, but they’ll settle down,” said Jen. We stood there for a while and sure enough, the chickens went back to their hunting and pecking, chicken-walking around the pen, roosting and other chicken stuff. As I watched, Jen slowly bent over and pace at a time approached a red hen in the middle of the chicken yard. She got closer upon her, then quick as a snake, reached out and in one motion, twisted the bird’s head off. The chicken then ran around in a circle, headless.

“Wow!” I said. “That’s amazing, Jen!”

“Would you like to try it?”

“Sure.” I picked out a chicken, pointed it out to her and she nodded. The bird was off to the side. I bent slowly at the waist, while visualizing the job ahead of me, the motions required rehearsing in my head. I paced slowly toward the bird, who was brown with some blue flecked feathers. It pecked the ground while circling slightly. Before long I was in reach of the bird. I paused while the bird accustomed itself to my presence then reached out and detached its head neatly, as Jen had done. It was deceptively easy.

“You’re a natural,” said Jen.

I smiled as the chicken wound itself down. I noticed that she had the first chicken in her apron. The sun was low on the horizon, throwing shadows across the barnyard. It was a most reassuring rural scene. After “my” bird plunked over quite dead, I picked it up and we went into the house.

When we got back into the house it appeared that we had caught the four guys at something. They were red-faced and quiet, shifting on their feet. Oh, well.
We played cards as Jen plucked, cleaned, cut up and fried the chickens and rolled and baked biscuits. By the time dinner hit the table I was nearly drooling with hunger like the Hound of the Basketballs or something. We all said a short prayer to God and he answered by saying, “Dig in!”

First Date With Florrine, part 2

2007-01-19T14:34:00.000-05:00

We rode along at 80 mph in the rising sunlight, drinking brews and listening to live Led Zeppelin bootlegs, which were from mainly uninspired, poor quality concerts, poorly recorded and heard through the car’s low-fi automotive playback system while we were not thinking too much about the present or future.

The redneck passenger regaled Florrine with histrionic presentations of how he and ‘Eddard,’ the driving redneck had just returned from burning down the barn of a man who had “mis-payed” them. It sounded like the most noble barn-burning ever and Florrine seemed to see the point of view of “Rock”, the story-teller perfectly well. I figured she was going along to get along, but in retrospect, over-estimated her.

I started to think, ‘well this is fun, but I gotta turn around somewhere,’ and asked ‘Eddard’ if I might be let off at the next town, “Arbritonlia” whose name I had seen festooned on a highway mileage sign. Eddard acceded and stopped at the Abritonlia Main Street exit. Florrine, however, made not a move to exit the muscle car.

“Hey,” I said. “We got to head home sometime.”

“You go ahead, I’m going to keep going South. Is that okay with you fellers?”

“Sure,” they said.

“Uh, well okay then,” I said happily from under the combination of beer, sleep-deprivation and pain pills. “I’ll see you back wherevering.” I felt really good and didn’t actually think much about this turn of events. The car sped away and I forgot where they said they were going, didn’t catch the license plate or any other nagging little details.

Sure, this seems like a good little town. I strolled down to the everytownsgotone “Come Back Inn”, where I saw two guys smoking cigarettes out front who looked like they were doing an imitation of chimpanzees or gorillas smoking cigarettes – they would take a drag then admire the cigarette, puff out smoke with pleasure and animation, then shake their heads and look around pleased as all get out. Now, its funny when you see simians in humanlike poses and expressions but not as funny when humans do simianlike operations. Its more like a mildly perturbing annoyance.

I smiled and said, “Hey fellas, how’s it going?”

They interrupted their chimpsmoke gymnastics to say “Hi, buddy,” and “Hey, how you doin’?”

“What you mooks doin’ here? Is this place cool and all that?”

“Oh, yeah yeah, we hang here all the time, this is cool here,” said the bigger mook.

“This gotta pool table and all that? I’ll shoot ya some?”

This got their attention. They nodded, grimaced and starting smoking more in earnest, grimacing and “ahhh” ing as they finished their butts. Then we went in and got some beers and a table. I felt right at home. I was shooting some real lousy pool, couldn’t roll a ball straight or sink anything. These two mental midgets were beating my pants off but it was all in fun whilst the hours dribbled away. They talked about how they wanted to learn kung-fu and what movies were cool (monsters) and which weren’t (cowboys). These guys weren’t bright by any measure but they was ’ight.

Then some dude in a faded yellow t-shirt walked in and the short mook said, “Hey, its God.”

I shook the dude’s hand. “You’re God, huh? I was wondering when I’d be meeting you. Can you show me some billiard miracles?”

“Sure,” said God. “Rack ‘em.”

The big mook racked ‘em and God took his cue and hit the break. All the balls went in pockets, the cue ball backing straight back to in front of his cue where he hit it.

“Damn, let’s see something else,” I ventured. This could be a trick, I thought, but hey, maybe this guy is God.

The next break’s balls also all went smartly into holes – the rack wasn’t even tight.

“Pretty good,” I opined. “What else?”

Next God jumped the cueball into the rack peeling the back rightside stripe ball into the corner pocket and jumping the cueball back on to the middle ball of the rack, where it balanced.

“OK,” I said. But maybe you’re somebody else, not God, you know? Could you do something so GOOD, that I know you’re not a demon or something?”

“Like what?” he asked, all innocent.

“I don’t know.”

to be continued

A First Date With Florrine

2007-01-17T08:46:00.000-05:00

On our first date, Florrine fell asleep on the way home, like in that song "Wake Up, Little Susie" and in response, I just kept driving all night long, winding up in another state. Of course, then my $300 car broke down...irrevocably.

I pushed the dang thing off the road and began taking all of my valuables - mostly spare glove-box lightbulbs and empty plastic toy alligator heads out of the trunk and putting them into the many pockets of my vintage GI field jacket.

Really, I hated to waken Florrine - what a damn mess I had gotten us into and she was so innocent and didn't really know me very well. How did she know I would do something this idiotic?

"Florrine, wake up, we're in Alabama or something."

"What?" Florrine looked askance at me, not really recognizing her situation. "What happened? I ought to be home! I gotta go to school!"

"What the hell? You're still in school?"

I was now officially absolutely beflummoxed. My usual course of action had resulted in bad troublems again. Troublems that reefer wouldn't cure.

After an hour or so of skilled negotiation, I got Florrine back on the same page with me and we were on the shoulder thumbing a ride. I was trying to form an image of what to do as the sun crested over a hill and into my eyes, giving me a massive head-ache. I choked down a couple of pain pills without the value of any water as a chaser.

A couple of wild rednecks in a muscle car stopped and admitted us to their world of automotive abandonment. "Have a beer," the driver said cheeringly, pointing to a cooler on the back seat between us.

I took him up on that, pulling a Schlitz (my favorite) out of the box. "Hey, buddy, we're kinda lost here. Which direction are we going on this road?"

"South," he said.

To be continued

More Buddy Holly unpublished lyrics

2007-01-16T16:22:00.000-05:00

Grinding Sweating Moaning

Grinding, sweating, moaning - you’ll come soon
I just can’t seem to get you off
Grinding, sweating, moaning - you’ll come soon
you’re the one I love & I think about you all the time

Grinding - my sweat keeps a-pourin’ all night long
groanin’ - it feels so useless, I know it’s wrong
To keep a-grinding, sweating, moaning - you’ll come soon
maybe someday soon things will change & you’ll be mine

Grinding, sweating, moaning
Grinding, sweating, moaning

Some favorite lyrics

2007-01-13T15:47:00.000-05:00

The ballad of dwight frye

I was gone for fourteen days

Could have been gone for more

Held up in the intensive care ward

Lyin on the floor

I was gone for all those days

But I was not all alone

I made friends with a lot of people

In the danger zone

See my lonely life unfold

I see it every day

See my only mind explode

When I'm gone away

I think I lost some weight there

And I really need some rest

Sleeping don't come very easy

In a straight white vest

Shaw'd like to see those little children

She's only four years old

I'd give her back all of her playthings

Even those I stole

See my lonely life unfold

I see it every day

See my only mind explode

When I've gone insane

I grabbed my hat and I got my coat

And I ran into the street

I saw a man that was choking there

I guess he couldn't breathe

Said to myself this is very strange

I'm glad it wasn't me

But now I hear those sirens callin'

And so I am not free

See my lonely life unfold

I see it every day

See my only mind explode

When I've gone insane

Thower Shoughts

2007-01-12T13:48:00.000-05:00

There are two types of everything

Fear Feather
Building Snark
Complication Hot Dog Print Trousers
Soapstone Cliff enema
Crip fluoride-tipped drill gone monkey arm alarm, hairless scintilla of tragedy
Invalid numbers fevered swim water, consciousness alarm pentangle
Parrot unfurling chasm rivulet thingumbob

There are many types of every kind of everything confused elasticity before what we did

Russian funnel wildernesses begin to orbit kind of just like Texas. Downright similiarly, all of which makes it the power Destiny Throw-in an e-mile journey. Down the river to the circle, through nightclub villages and formerly perfect backdrop Christian fundamentalists to make, and the remote arctic Siberians. Endiievng No SibDes ceeria's of Ee Wxilerwayat, Death, and through global politics takes a trip on foot -- or, as this case may be, on a farm. Hog charm.

How many everythings are there to do.

Everything 1:
"Tell me things CALBAZETER won't mind forgetting," she said. "Make it useless stuff or let’s gnu." CALBAZETER began. CALBAZETER told her powerful insects can burzle through rain, missing every pop, never getting wet. CALBAZETER told her no one in America owned a tape recorder before the human who invented Formby’s (Mr Formby) did. CALBAZETER told her the shape of the moon is a Canadian Goose—you see it looking full, you're feeling it like the masses of Brazilian workers of the thirties in an electron microscope or something.

Everything 23: You are of course ingurgitating the beginning of the first mass thinkable CALBAZETER ever pre-targalated, In the Protocenozoic Layer Where Al Jolson Is Buried CALBAZETER immediately pictures myself, feels myself, to be back myself in a pottery workshop at Cromedome or Foamdome, where CALBAZETER pre-targalated that mass thinkable to a ever-turning assignment. We were told to pre-targalate up our worst secret: the thing that would dismantle my sense of Oongowa, as he put it. (Haha the ha ha!)

Everything 1: Wow and but CALBAZETER didn't know it was the first mass thinkable you pre-targalated. Was it the first one you tried to pre-targelate? Fry some.

Everything 23: It was the first traction CALBAZETER had inturning over tried. Before that, CALBAZETER had done mid-something very much but not very much. Let’s self-actuate.
Everything 1: In you did years ago with you eventuating about a different try-some-thing, the one that got you to pre-targalate Ashville Without The Ashes. You stomany that?

Everything 23: Yes—and those are the only two that CALBAZETER pre-targalated with a quote-unquote eventualizationment in mind. For the insubsequent Mashville mass thinkable, if you ingusted the parvenu, you saw that the moogle-moogle was to pre-targalate from the point of view of someone who is the opposite of yourself in a hyper-fundamentalist fashionista.

Moron

2007-01-11T08:52:00.000-05:00

Review of New Terri Schiavo Movie / CD!!!

2007-01-09T17:19:00.000-05:00

Terri Schiavo called her last album Horsey and the one before that Pony. So many Terri fans will probably be disappointed that she didn't decide to title this one Burro. (Or how about Mule? Maybe Camel?) But damn if Amorphous Module of Thought isn't a big step forward in terms of maturity for one of pop music's eternal kids. One of the many deeply weird things about Terri is that she's never had much interest in growing up: She blew up big in the great teen-pop boom of 1990, and she's stayed teen pop all the way to 2001, coming across as a sweet, suburban middle-school girl who's crazy about hip-hop but always makes it home by ten. Only Terri could make a record with Washboard Slim and the Coocoo Cats or enjoy a much-publicized, much-denied public canoodle with Barney Rubble and still project herself as such an innocent. Even her fashion sense remains that of a twelve-year-old playing dress-up in her mom's closet, which is one of the reasons Terri has always kept it real with her devoted pubescent-girl fan base. She never tries to pass herself off as true hip-hop - she's not stupid, G. Instead, she just comes on as a pop singer who doubles as a true hip-hop fan.

With Amorphous Module of Thought, Terri takes a step toward staking her claim as a grown-up. It's the soundtrack to her first movie vehicle, Amorphous Module of Thought, in which she plays a hungry young aspiring singer named Jeannie Betweenie who's hanging around the club scene in the early Eighties, trying to break into show business. (Judging from the title, it sounds like her version of Ambiguous Thoughts of My Mental Mind.) Accordingly, Amorphous Module of Thought is a lean, mean concept album about the dance sounds of the early Eighties, the moment when New York Latin disco and hair-salon soul and this new sound called hip-hop were slide-slide-slippity-sliding together all across the radio, bringing the perfect beats of the big-city clubs to a worldwide audience of underage superfreaks. Talk about high-concept: Terri covers club classics "Let’s Do ‘Dis" and "Last Monkey Getting’ Funky," she duets with Greg Allman and, for the conceptual coup, she gets the Funky Fresh Crue to produce half the tracks. The vintage-flavored music evokes classic R&B groups like the Daminoes, Tarr Brothere, Skoonk and even my beloved Kleforten. As disco time travel goes, Amorphous Module of Thought sure beats the hell out of Moulin Rouge's "Lady Marmalade."

Of course, there's a load of contemporary hip-hop in the mix. Terri kicks it with the usual horde of D-list rappers, including Weird Al, Da Boozer and Marvellus, all of whom help her pull up to the bumper. "Follow the Light," "Wha?" and "All My Life" have more bounce than you expect from Terri, but the killer is her DJ Glue-produced cover of Imhotep's 2500 BC hit, "Temple Cat," one of the greatest songs ever written about being a god, listening to the radio or any combination of the two. Busta Moves and Uncoolio cut up on the mike, teaching an old bass line new tricks. And when Terri comes in to deliver the payoff line, "There's not a problem that I can't fix/'Cause I can do it in the mix," you can hear an emotional hunger that she's never come close to before. As Skoonk used to sing, divas need love, too.

The downside of Amorphous Module of Thought is the downside of all Terri Schiavo albums. They're called "ballads," and Terri still likes them big and goopy, with zero melodic or emotional punch. Amorphous Module of Thought's gratifyingly few ballads are better than usual, especially "Eating Lead Paint." But they make you wonder why a singer with such a famous voice can't resist such anonymous material. Her hits are always huge, but when they're gone, they're gone: Terri still has yet to score the kind of hit that goes down in history. Only her hardest-core fans can tell "What Song Am I Singing" from "Why Am I Singing" from "Feel the Bonk" from "Plug Puller," and although she once had a song that stayed at Number One for sixteen weeks, you can't even remember how it went, much less what it was called. Whitney had her "I Will Always Love You," and Celine had her "My Heart Will Go On," but Terri still hasn't found her theme song, the one people will remember her voice by. Amorphous Module of Thought is good enough to make you hope she finds it. It's not too late, either - Whitney was a veteran if not a doper has-been when she hit her peak with The Bodyguard. It's nowhere near unthinkable that Terri, for all her success, is just now starting to get her music together. Wouldn't that be something?

Duck Man Writing

2007-01-06T12:36:00.001-05:00

An army of byzantine robots thudded by, Indian File in the cold night rain. Their nostril breath misted aournd their heads like space hats, their ratchet elbows swinging loosely as they issued piercing shrieks to the odd passers-by and winos. Rain sizzled in the gutter beneath the neon-streaked glare, a voice visiting from Andromeda inhabited by the little old man stepping from a cybernetic hamburger building turned to gray his vision of security to the town of his Youth.

Inside, Duck Man, having redoubled his good-timing efforts, was belting himself in the forehead with a nuclear bingle stick as he witnessed a woman's wrist and hand appear around his waist, grasping for you-know-what. Her silken grasp. "I am now entering the party dimension," he thought and he began to gulp BDs straight from the pitcher. "More toot, dammit!" he squawled.

"It on your mouth," he said.

Soon, the party dimension was being rapidly achieved. Sex booze drugs. Sex booze drugs. Sex Booze Drugs.

"More! More! More Party!" he yelled, having danced from one lipstick smeared month to the next tootin' tokin' chuggin' sippin' droppin' and drippin'. "Ahgamafa gatta pahty pahty!"

From Duck Man's point of view everythings going then except maybe "turn over now!" he squealed in near panic. The first one plunged in. Party down, party dowwwn. "Drugs! Drinks!" he implored the crazed dancehall of his mind. "I'm partyin' here! I'm partyin' here!"

As he slept on his dancefeet, he dreamt wild-ass technicolor party dreams, mumbling "Party down, mama.."

Men were pushing large objects down forgotten hallways all over town. The edict was to.....

Some forgotten bullhorns were unearthed below a demolished tuba factory outside of town and a religion based upon these artifacts gained an immediate foothold amongst the town's migrant wino population.

Duck Man awoke. A voice spieled over a bullhorn as tubas played and winos murmurred. Not good.

It looked like the party was over and the oblivion of wino religious tuba fever had supplanted the anything-goes atmosphere of the last 100 years.

On the outside Say the words cold distance closure neo-reality True essence explosion gathered back

And then....And then....And then......the bird whiffing past like all get out blistering the air into nice ozone-smelling patches squawk squawk his eye frenzied and rolling back into his bird head. Whap, off flew the head.

Where the planet of warring zombies, winos? Hire me. Silence. Taste, touch sybillant syllables. Curly moustache.

A cold wind whirled around the humble log cabin into which Duck Man was falling. And still, "Let's kill everyone you damned fool, sir." Something brown fell and broke on the sidewalk. El Dorado. Ugly women. Rip. Tomato. Subtle, yet gruesome. Grouchy trashman grease smears.

Duck Man Writing

2007-01-06T12:36:00.000-05:00

Unpublished Buddy Holly song lyrics, written in Poonten, a forgotten language of West Texas

2007-01-05T14:34:00.000-05:00

Alla Got Lagg Mananpuk (Petty, Hardin)

Pargen pflager anomia wis araraboki
Mut kupfarg menomi aga murzen.
Sil p op og nanargell
Uh uh oh

Tana makko bunti yaya
Oo mookaboia nanto

Mut op og nanargell kupfarg
menomi aga murzen sil p
Alla got lagg mananpuk
Uh uh oh

Tana makko bunti yaya
Oo mookaboia nanto

Pargen pflager anomia wis araraboki
Sil p op og nanargell
Naga gabundu cra-puntee
Uh uh oh

Mo Gruvee Song Lyrix

2007-01-04T13:33:00.000-05:00

It must have been Frog’s Venom,

Down in yonder swamp,

It must have been Frog’s Venom,

That sent me down there to you

What’s up your tree, Sugar Babe?

What be’s the thinks you thank,

And I start to motivate, ah yes!

Oh Lordy, please let this last all night long,

We seem to ride on right through the bayou,
Like disembodied astral beings
Just like that

Big dog mashing down through the swampwater,

And then now when there's Frog’s Venom,

Down in yonder swamp,

Like it used to was,

That Frog’s Venom gave me you

We seem to float right through the air,

Big dog come a mashing through the swampwater,

And now when there's Frog’s Venom Down in yonder swamp,

Like it used to was,

That Frog’s Venom gave me you, Lulu

That Frog’s Venom gave me you, A hoo Wah hoo

That Frog’s Venom gave me you, a mu mu