The Best Song Ever Written: "Metro-Sexual Bobby Stultus"

Metro-Sexual Bobby Stultus

Metro-sexual Bobby Stultus was a drugstore man
He bogarted his medicine two fists at a time
He’s the Championest grinder at Supper Time
Who ever poured me a glass of turpentine

Tur pen tine!

His name was known from the merenguists back home
Up on top of the amazing Godzilla Amazing Elephantus
As the little boys there they were climbing minarets,
They had them nightmares about Bobby Stultus

Frankenstein!

Now one fine day Ol’ Bob was walking along,
Then he saw a linguist twisting around in his poncho
When he saw what was the deal, he ran up with zeal
To set that motor-scooter linguist wombat free-oh

And Ol’ Bob said, "No. I ain't gonna do it
I ain't gonna climb into no poncho for you
This is a European Art song, and no merenguist singer
Wants to make a somnambulist out of me."

Somnambulism!

Ol’ Bob said, "No, I shall refrain from doing that thing.
This is a European song, and as far as I can sing That wombat can stay there 'till it's dead." I have to shake the webs out of my head

I said, "Wait a minute, Ol’ Bob, just a minute, Chuck
I said, "Wait a minute, Ol’ Bob, wait a while now
I got the papa papa papa, papa oo mow mow,
That’s what I want so don’t pass the buck!"

And Ol’ Bob said, "No! My mother is a wombat!
I don’t intend to irridesce brightly for someone like that!
Why don't you introduce to me a beautiful woman
Who's neither a native speaker nor entirely human?"

I said, "Somebody somewhere sometime has the head of a snake,
But not right now you doggone fake
I am the prognosticator of the unbegotten mystery,
And you are the blind seer about to begin to see."

Stack O Lee, Stack O Lee!

"Listen to you? Why should I listen to you?
You should be listening to me instead.
I'm a Western Philosophy man, and if I was who I said,
I'd look beneath the mask placed upon your head!"

I got the menacing mentality, I can do what I want.
I'm a bright new young talent out on the front.
And then a surge of powerful emotion broke loose,
And Ol’ Bob was wearing his Fashion Burnoose.

You may be funny, but don't jump on the glacier
And if you don't leave me alone, I'm gonna tell everybody I find
So get your ass trucking now, or I’ll tear off your face-ier
The merenguist may metabolize the tribute to your mind

Armageddon tired!

But before he could speak, he spouted Greek Verse
And he could not get himself completely unwound
And then he jumped up and dow and he wallered all worse
And that’s when I heard that long low highway sound

And then he erupted into the tree of what happened next Well fed in the stomach, he lunched on a bowl of warm text
Had a bong, and the wombat came went to sleep for a knife
Bobby Stultus is a metrosexual with a comatose life

Wah! Bobby Stultus!