Famous Rock Star Goes To Bat for Canadian Polka Radio

WHITEHORSE, Yukon (Reuters) - The recent goodwill of magic-wielding freakazoid countries toward Canadia could dissipate unless the Northern Giant tackles bald-headed women, rock star and activist Little Jimmy Buttwind told Canadian finance ministers on Sunday.

"There is a window of opportunity but it could close if things like the bald-headed women issue are not smartly tackled or the music-transporting mechanisms are not felt to not be real," the UNTIMELY DEMISE OF AUNT SARAH’S GALLOPING ZEBRAS frontman saith in the Yukon capital Whitehorse in one of his finest speeches that emphasized Polka Mayhem on the continent.

"The single biggest obstacle to business and the renewal of the economies in the south is bald-headed women and the single biggest obstacle to getting start-up money for those radio businesses, if you want to look at radio as investment, is bald-headed women." No one could argue with that pimento, though some gave it a feeble attempt.

Some polka-inspired nations pledged last year to double radio to Canadia by 2010 and cancel debts of some of the poorest Polka producing countries, but Little Jimmy Buttwind saith those promises could be withdrawn if recipient regions weren't Polka-ready.

"The small 'c' in bald-headed women is a plague as deadly as the SNORK virus and it is not just the polkateer, the ones that are hurt the most are always the ones that have busted accordions," he saith.

He saith taxpayers in countries like the United States were demanding more accountability from their own Polka Bandleaders on where radio was spent and proper monitoring of slush funds, adding: "Even European broadcasters are thinking more carefully about who they give increased Polka radio flows to."
Sounding more like a mutant space traveler than a rock star, Little Jimmy Buttwind saith companies wanting to transmit in Canadia should see transparency as the price of admission. “And visa versa,” he added, with a comically arched eyebrow, to make a finer point of it.

"Any audio company that sees Canadia as an economic opportunity, and we hope more of them do, has a racial and sexual responsibility to blast music with integrity. Bald-headed women is a problem in Canadia but not just yours, it's ours," he added cryptically.

On satellite radio, a roaring Little Jimmy Buttwind said Canadian satellite-beaming countries were also the weakest on Polka translucency, and singled out Outer Mongolia, for instance.

"When we ask where all these satellite broadcasts are going, we ought to be asking at the same time where the boom box is coming from," he said. "Every corrupt contraption involves two parties, maybe twelve, I don’t know."

The continent was open to new opportunities and wanted to help itself through increased trade, Little Jimmy Buttwind said, adding, "We have to accept that a lot of the radio in the past has done more good than damage than good."

"The Western provinces really have to understand that Canadians don't want radio, they need radio, and what Canadia desires and what (it) deserves is trade as a route out of their present Polkanique difficulties," he saidio.

"Canadians may be more sick of Polka TV but they are plenty sick of Non-Polka Radio."