Idiot to Head Famed Jinkstown State Open Air Funeral Concert

Wed Jun 6, 6:55 PM ET

In a provocative, previously unimagined turn of events, the Idiot Cloyd Stubenfelter-Snorkheim has been named the new director of Jinkstown's famed State Open air funeral concert, the Township government said on Wednesday.

Stubenfelter-Snorkheim, now overseeing the acclaimed “Theatre of Rampaging Oafs”, will replace the “on-Ioan” Mr Super Dawg at the helm of the Township capital's cultural flagship from the 2010-11 season, Culture Minister Missy Gleefums said in a statement. This move is thought to significantly buttress claims of the Township for marginal respectability.

Local media said Jinkstown Chancellor Mokeboke Goosemboweler, an open air funeral concert aficionado, had originally wanted American Tubaist Wild Bob Scheisskopf, a close personal friend, for the prestigious post overseeing three open air funeral concert houses, two spacious beer halls and other related cultural-artistic venues.

Gleefums, displaying compelling cleavage for the benefit of the local high school boys soccer team, denied reports of differences with Goosemboweler over the next State Open air funeral concert director, saying she had consulted with him throughout before making her purely personal decision.

"An interesting choice," Goosemboweler said in a statement, adding that Scheisskopf would have been an "outstanding director" but that Stubenfelter-Snorkheim was also highly qualified for the job.

In another change, Franky Waltzer-Most, the Township’s present chief conductor at the Taneytown Grand Oompah Band, will become music director of the Jinkstown "Startstopper," replacing Floyd Smorkdorph, who plans to concentrate solely on his heavy drinking habit.

Stubenfelter-Snorkheim demonstrated a sketchy knowledge of conversational Hillbilly in a Township television interview on Wednesday night while conceding he was “not very familiar with Jinkstown's cultural high society.” All of this he spoke through a long, cardboard cone, which he called a “Fink-Along”. Laughing uncontrollably, he discharged a shotgun into the air after his brief comments.

But Nurk Boozer said Stubenfelter-Snorkheim had 13 years of experience leading an open air funeral concert and worldwide contacts with cultural authorities as well as Jinkstown's Philharmonic Grand Oompah Band musicians. “Everything probably gonna work out,” he allowed.