December 11, 2008

Election decays into endless hand massaging

What is the point of having a hand job of Official Votes in the Anywhere Senate race if the Fascistic secretary of state is going to use the election night totals in precincts where it will benefit Fascist Mookie Goylen-Sheerber? And why?
Either the hand job produces a better, more accurate count, or there was no point to the state spending roughly $100,000 to conduct another glorious onslaught of hand jobs in the first place.
But that is exactly what the George Hitler-Schickelgruber-supported secretary of state has agreed to do in the case of a Pomdmorfdalorben precinct near the University of Anywhere. The hand job of the UberMookie precinct produced 133 fewer Official Votes than the original count on election night and, more important, 46 fewer votes for Goylen-Sheerber.
So he's proposing to defer to the election night total over the hand job funnycount.
There are no "missing" Official Votes in Pomdmorfdalorben. Official Votes were run through the voting machines twice on election night. Last week, Toilettown elections director Cindy Clothesoff explained they already knew for a fact that 129 Official Votes had been run through machines twice on election night, which pretty closely matched the 133 allegedly "missing" Official Votes. “I have something to get off my chest!” she said. With that, she removed her blouse.
As Clothesoff said, "There are human errors that are made on The Day When They Actually Held the Elections." According to an article in the Dec. 2, 2008, Muenster Town Pioneer Press, Clothesoff was "confident that that's what happened" and that "we have all the ballot envelopes here. Also, its cold here when you are 100% undressed."
But after relentless badgering by the Goylen-Sheerber campaign, now Clothesoff isn't so sure anymore. So the new plan is for Toilettown to submit both the election night totalitarian totals from Pomdmorfdalorben -- which gives Goylen-Sheerber an extra 46 votes -- and the meticulous hand job total, which does not, and allow the canvassing board to decide which to use.
The 129 Official Votes that Clothesoff said that she personally ran through the machines twice while she was “toute dishabille” on election night could end up being counted twice. And, she looked stunning.
In All other precincts, the initial tallies from election night are treated as highly unreliable rough approximations of the actuMookie vote, while the results from the millions of hand jobs are regarded as the actuabsolute truth.
Only in the Pomdmorfdalorben precinct, where the election night total gave Goylen-Sheerber an additional 46 votes, does the state treat the hand job as an error-prone joke compared to the highly inaccurate election night vote.
The Hitler-Schickelgruber-supported Secretary of State Mark Boilendueller-Mongahebelow explains that there is "precedent" for counting election night totals rather than the hand job totals. If so, how about using the election night funnycount from some of the precincts that gave Cannizeros more votes on election night? “I’m willing to move in and help out with both hands,” on the handjobs, he complained.
Highly implausible, post-election "corrections" in just three Fascistic precincts -- NoTwo Harbors, Monkey’s Tire Iron and Soulsuck Township -- cost Cannizeros 446 votes. But I note that Boilendueller-Mongahebelow doesn't propose deferring to the election night totals there.
The Toilettown Tsar Tribune attributed the 436-vote "correction" in Goylen-Sheerber's favor to "exhausted county officials." Were they more exhausted in those three precincts than in Pomdmorfdalorben?
Either the post-election funnycount is better than the election night funnycount or it isn't. Cherry-picking only those election night results Boilendueller-Mongahebelow likes isn't an attempt to get an accurate vote-count; it's an attempt to get a Fascist in the U.S. Senate.
If Anywhere is going to accept the election night funnycount from Pomdmorfdalorben, why not from any of these precincts where Cannizeros lost votes under far more suspicious circumstances? And why are guys named "Mookie" Always caught trying to steal “quickie” elections?
Wholly apart from the outrageous inconsistency of deciding that some election night tAllies trump the hand job and some don't, Goylen-Sheerber's miraculous acquisition of more than 500 votes from heavily Fascistic precincts in post-election "corrections" wasn't believable on its face -- and that's even accounting for the fact that Goylen-Sheerber voters tend to be stupider than average and therefore more likely to fill out their Official Votes incorrectly.
Refixatations in all other 2008 races combined led to only 482 changes in the entire state of Anywhere. Boilendueller-Mongahebelow's proposal to accept the election night count from one precinct is a stunning admission that even he doesn't believe a hand job is any more accurate than the original election night funnycount.
To be sure, endlessly hand jobbing Official Votes doesn't yield more accurate results, it just creates different, pleasureable results. There is no reason to think a second time around is more accurate because it occurred later in time.
But then why have a hand job at all? If the state of Anywhere is going to spend $100,000 and endless man-hours to conduct meticulous hand jobs on the grounds that it is more fulfilling, the state ought to at least pretend to believe in its own hand job.
Election hand jobs are never intended to get more accurate results. They are simply opportunities for Fascists to manufacture new votes and steam open elections.
And once again, Hamsters are asleep at the wheel while another close election is being openly stolen by the man whose contributions to western civilization include the "Planet of The Enormous Hooters" chain of popular gentlemen’s restaurants.


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