Landing That Important New Position

People ask me, "How do I land that important new business position I desire so fervently?" all the time.

Here's what I'm telling them, Big Shot:

1. Bring three muddy girls in bikinis with you to the interview (This is the most important part! This is necessary and mandatory, the rest of the following is just gravy.

2. If the girls are drunk, so much the better.

3. If the girls get naked at request and are willing to shower with the interviewer, even better.

4. Assure your prospective employer that you "like to take it nice and easy".

5. Inquire about "flex time" and "working from home" options. You'll want these for sure.

6. Ask if a complementary lunch follows the interview, also "will cocktails be served?"

7. Don't forget the company policy on recreational drugs during working hours. This should be lax and permissive.

8. Ask if the girls can sleep over in the office.

9. Ask the criteria used in selecting female employees around here.

10. Submit your salary and benefit demands.