The Golden Voyage of Barney Rubble, part 8

In the bright, early morning we came within sight of land. The land was low and hilly. We saw a Megazebra of enormous size loping along. It must have been 90 morons tall! It stopped, snorted and began to munch the vegetation.

Just as I was thinking that I had never seen anything so big, a feathered scissor-beak dinosaur of equal height swooped in and using its enormous, pointed beak, cut the head off the Megazebra. It pinced its neck midpoint and the head with half-neck attached, tumbled end over end to the ground.

With that the scissor beak began rending and gorging itself on the trunk of the Megazebra. Never such a horrible sight had I ever audited. I bellowed “Let’s get the fuck out of here!” to Rubble and he swung the golden boat away from land. I was terrified, thinking there was no way we could possible survive such terrain. I began chugging centipede juice. If I was to be swallowed whole by a fearsome monster of some sort, at least I could be thoroughly inebriated.

Land soon dwindled on the aft horizon and my irrational fear subsided.

Later on in the day, as the morons whistled poignantly, a fearsome sea monster raised its terrific head just beyond the port side of the golden boat. It was a man-shaped, slimy green monster with yellow and red eyes and it roared portentously. The morons immediately began to taunt it, shaking their shark jaws in its direction. This made it horribly angry. I saw my death looming before me.

However, the sea monster at first merely spat a ridiculously hard jet of sea water at us, nearly washing us all into the world ocean. The water stank from the foul mouth of the monster. We regained our footing and looked back at the monster. It was right next to the boat and had risen up out of the water, exposing its huge arms and trunk. We were doomed, but still the morons made faces, yelled and shaked their sticks at it.

Suddenly, a great bolt of lightning hit the sea monster square in the forehead, sizzling and cracking and killed it outright. Far out!

The morons grappled the great beast's head and pulled him toward the boat. They immediately set to work sawing open his skull, removed his brains and set him adrift, face up, his great penis waving in the air. They loaded their bindles with slabs of brain, intent on preparing sea monster brain jerky: said to be the tastiest sea monster jerky available.

Other great monsters flopped up to feed on the floating carcass. Snarling, snapping and biting, they tussled it out of sight in the matter of a few minutes.

The morons hoisted the brain bindles aloft. The resulting stench from the sun-steaming brains was formidable, but that soon would die down as the brains dried in the sun and salt sea air. The morons looked up at the stinking load and made involuntary slurps, imagining stupifying future chaws.

Just as I was thinking about our good fortune to be saved from a horrid death at the hands of the sea monster, the God Who Whistles In the Tree Tops jumped aboard from the back of a Megadolphin. “A Mu-Ah!” he greeted us.

“A Mu-Ah, o great one!” I responded.

“Yow – oo will all reach your destination without harm. I will pave the way. All but one of you will survive the trip to the Land of Whatever and see the sights you have been sent to sea to see.”

“Wow, fucking great!” said Barney. “What the hell are you talking about?”

The God Who Whistles In the Tree Tops frowned sourly at Barney, jumped back aboard the Megadolphin and they disappeared on the foaming brine.

“Nice one, Barney!” I said, slurping centipede juice. "Doy, is he ever a good God, though!"