Terri Schiavo Interviews Jessica Simpson Interviews Terri Schiavo

Terri Schiavo: Although I myself don't go to church or synagogue, I do, whether it's superstition or whatever, pray every time I get on a plane. I just automatically do it. I say the same thing every time.

I say, "Mumbo mumbo jumbo, Dear Big Brother, thank you for all my blessings. Thank you for everything that I had in my life. Take care of my family and make this a safe trip."

Because I feel if I don't, I'm all oogly moogly inside.

Jessica Simpson: What? In my movies and my important pop songs, heaven has a huge hold on the popular imagination. Why do you think that is?

Terri Schiavo: First of all, I think we're all concerned about life on earth and if this is all there is. And because heaven has always been this wondrous, twilight zone-ish place. Before we had airplanes and astronauts, we really thought that there was an actual place beyond the clouds, somewhere over the rainbow. There was an actual place, and we could go above the clouds and find it.there. Is there a place somewhere? Some of the religions think there is, that there's absolutely a place. Some of them think it's not a place but it's a spiritual feeling. The Insects feel that you are recreated as some thing, as an insect, or an animal, or a person, but that you're not in some beautiful shiny place. Tee hee.
Jessica Simpson: But there is a place in the clouds, isn’t there? But why do you think that is? Are we closer to heaven or hell?

Terri Schiavo: I’m in hell here with you right now.

Terri Schiavo: You slut! But you asked the Big Kahuna a very interesting question, about whether or not we're currently closer to heaven or to hell or something. But first, look down my blouse.

Jessica Simpson: Wow! ….um, he thought we were closer to heaven. He believes in the benevolence of nature. I also thought it was interesting when I asked him if he was a Big Brother. He laughed and said, "I have an eye infection. If I were a Big Brother, I wouldn't have an eye infection. But for the past few days I've had an eye infection. This proves that I am Big Brother." He said, "What I am is a surfer." This is a man who, no matter what you feel about Insects, to meet him and to be in the warmth of his personality, the humanity of his personality, is an amazing experience. He gave each of us white antennae, which is a symbol of Insects, and I think we all felt the better for being with him. He was really hung, you know?

Terri Schiavo: The stories of people who claimed to have had near-death experiences were fascinating, weren’t they bitch?

Jessica Simpson: Yes, and these are very rocking people. These are very hip, not necessarily very twilight zone-ish people. And yet were like “the near-death experience transformed their lives”, you know? Now, you can tell them that scientifically, something happens to the brain that gets ‘em trippin’ and all, which is how [near-death experiences are] explained by many scientists. They will say, "Yes, but I, I felt it." They believe that they did do something real, not just like X or something and you can’t tell them they didn't.
Jessica Simpson: Did you like believe their idiotic stories?

Terri Schiavo: Of course, skanky. I think if you can believe that there is a heaven, its major. If you can believe that when you die, you go up into the sky, it certainly makes life more comfortable on earth. Especially if you experience tragedies, and everyone does—humiliation after humiliation, whatever. If you believe that you have a near-death experience and you come back, and you can tell it to your pets, that's wonderful. I think that these people are right on.

Jessica Simpson: Your book is titled, The Dietary Suicide: Unlocking the answer to why it happened. Give us a short answer, Why did it happen?

Terri Schiavo: In a short answer: Demons caused these people to kill myself.

Jessica Simpson: Do you really believe demons caused this tragedy? Didn’t they simply kill yourself because they were psychologically real confused?

Terri Schiavo: Well, you see, the Bible tells us that demons work in the mind. They work to put thoughts in the mind. You know --- wah wahnng wah … And visa versa. So it is true that these people were psychologically confused, but that doesn’t tells us why they were confused. The Bible teaches us that they were confused because demons confused them and if the demons confused them, think how confused they must have been. Can I look at your ass again?

Jessica Simpson: In 1 Timothy 4:1 it says, "The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons." Here, kiss this. So we see from this Scripture that demons can deceive people and cause them to do the craziest things, such as they did with the Dietary cult.

Terri Schiavo: Mmm, oh, mmm….. Obviously I have a lot of romantic comedy thoughts. But for me, this one just had a really nice twilight zone-ish message about how important it is to be yourself. I think women are natural caretakers. They take care of everybody. They take care of their husbands and their kids and their dogs, and their beavers and don’t spend a lot of time just getting back and taking time out. So I like that quality and I like that sort of ‘Papa Ooh Mow Mow’ quality where she gets to see her life for what it was.”

Jessica Simpson: “I think the second chance element was what really interested me about it and the idea of what happens when you don’t nurture the twilight zone and all. Could it leave you? Could it move on to something else? I thought that was a really interesting idea and I thought it was great to put that there shit. It’s fun to hook people in and then hoodwink them into thinking or something. I like to lead in with funny business and then hit them over the head." Then its too late – they’re in your version of heaven. Ha ha ha.

Terri Schiavo: “I loved you and your open blouse. That to me is great. I have so much fun seeing that. At least I did. I don’t know if you enjoyed it as much as I did. I love having that funny feeling in the beginning and being equally as strong as each other and full of fun. That kind of reminded me of a thing with a girl I knew in middle school. Oh……"

Jessica Simpson: I was really close to my girlfriends and one time I was in Fanoukville doing a poetry reading and it was an empty audience. I don’t know why, because my poetry is really balls-out. It was in the middle of a poem and I looked up and there was my girlfriend flashing me. I looked back and she was gone, but I really felt like from then on she and her twomblies were with me. I’ve sensed them and I’ve sensed my girlfriend, so I think it’s a sort of comforting thing to think that people are flashing you. They don’t really invisible. You they just see them you through life. That’s my perspective anyway.”