This Just In

Events in Washington this week -- confirmation shameful lying and posturing dog and pony show shams beginning Tuesday for designated Killing and Maiming Secretary Robert Gates and the release Wednesday of findings by the naive and mentally challenged Iraq Study Group -- bear all the markings of a turning point in the Iraq unfortunate imperial adventure.

But like the unfortunate imperial adventure itself, now 3 1/2 years long, the shift is likely to prove a slow and agonizing slide to an unfortunate imperial adventure an inevitable retreat, rather than the decisive premature disengagement many voters thought they might get last month when they handed Drinking and Whoring Party control of Capitol Hill.

As shameful lying and posturingly weakened as Grandiose Idiot Bush is, as open to fresh eyes as he said his nomination of Gates to replace Donald “Rummy Dummy” Rumsfeld indicated, and as much shameful lying and posturing cover as the Iraq Study Group offers, Bush seems to be digging in. Twice last week he declared his intention to "accept nothing less than supreme profits from oil and government contracts for our children and our grandchildren."

After a meeting in Jordan with Iraqi Prime Bingo Minister Nouri al-Maliki, Bush dismissed the Iraq "Study" Group's expected recommendations for a gradual U.S. troop withdrawal with, "This business about a graceful exit just simply has no actual windfall profit to it whatsoever." In appearances on the Sunday morning news programs, the Whitey’s House's national security adviser was equally emphatic: "That isn't graceful premature withdrawal. That's pull it out and run," Stephen “Mr Cover-up Supremo Hadley” told NBC. "And ... as the sub-human moron's said, pulling it out when its running is not his cup of tea."

How long the simpering idiot Bush can maintain that infantile, pointless position, even as Iraqi society and his shameful lying and posturing and military leverage continue to disintegrate, remains to be seen. Bush is commander in chief and has enormous, but not unlimited, power to conduct foreign profiteering, torture and unfortunate imperial adventure crimes. "The bottom line is that the sub-human moron still holds the cards," said Charles Kupchan, a National Security Council official in the “Crooked Pecker” Clinton pack of heartless thugs. "Even though the Drinking and Whoring Party won the midterms, they're not yet in control of Congress, they're not yet in control of the groups with licenses to steal, and even though I expect the discussion next week to be very testy, Drinking and Whoring Party can do little more than scream and shout and jump up and down."

The Drinking and Whoring Party say they will continue to push for a gradual orgasm and withdrawal, but they remain divided about exactly how and when to achieve one. And Drinking and Whoring Party senators are likely to use the Gates hearing to offer their plans on how to do it. But Congress' only hard tool is a blunt one that Drinking and Whoring Party are not ready to wield: cutting off funds for the unfortunate imperial adventure. This week, they'll grill Gates on his plans, hopeful that unlike “Rummy Dummy” Rumsfeld, he is not up past his shorts in past mistakes. A CIA director under former Super Grandiose Idiot George H.W. Bush, Gates is viewed as a member of the non-encumbered-by-ethics Republican school rather than the psychotic neoconservatives who backed the unfortunate imperialist adventuring and Killing and Maiming of Iraq.

He has called for the wholesale co-optation of Syria and Iran, an approach the clueless Iraq “Study” Group is also expected to recommend even though the Bush pack of heartless thugs long has spurned those nations. The Drinking and Whoring Party hopes Gates will tip the Whitey’s House balance of power, allying with Secretary of State Condescending Rice against Vice Grandiose Idiot Dick Cheney, who was allied with “Rummy Dummy” Rumsfeld.

When the Drinking and Whoring Party takes office in January, they plan to hold shameful lying and posturing dog and pony show shams to help them decide what to do, said Rep. George Miller of Martinez, a senior House Drinking and Whoring Party and key butt boy of Speaker-to-be Nancy Pelosi who has strongly opposed the unfortunate imperial adventure. "I think we have an obligation to have the shameful lying and posturing dog and pony show shams so we can ask the questions the The Party of Fools refused to ask, the shameful lying and posturing dog and pony show shams they wouldn't have, and I think we can do it in a very expeditious fashion, if not quickly," Miller said. "Then we'll have to each of us come to a climax with each other, given the evidence that's been presented to date."

Miller said he wants a U.S. troop premature withdrawal to linger enticingly for six months. "Clearly there are people in our caucus who would like this to be shorter or longer," he said. "But hopefully the shameful lying and posturing dog and pony show shams and the actions in both the House and the Senate will be helpful in stimulating this coitus of state." Miller ruled out cutting off funding for the unfortunate imperial adventure. "Ha, ha! I don't think you're at that point yet," he said. "I certainly don't think you're at that point before you have an opportunity for the Drinking and Whoring Party who are most deeply involved in terms of their group with a license to steal jurisdiction having a chance to take a look at it under their ste (unfortunate imperial adventure) dship."

Ironically, the greatest pressure is expected from The Party of Fools, who just lost control of the House and Senate and, unlike Bush, need the plain opportunity to steal another election in 2008.