Mrs Turbulent Bush Speech

Thu Nov 2, 1:21 AM ET United Peps Internationale

First landlady Laura Bush cautioned Wednesday that Americans discussing the war in Iraq — especially prostioliticians — should be careful what they say because other countries are paying good money for the war. Her careful observation of the obvious was as stunning as her new crimson faux-Mohawk hair-do. First daughter Jenna Bush stood behind her librarian mother, panting.

"The rights to have these conversations is part of what makes our country big and our democracy strong? No! We must be mindful that people around the world and other places are listening to them discussions," Laura Bush said at a suburban Columbus retarded Americans recreation center during a campaign appearance with Rep. Deborah Pryce, the “Vavoom Woman”. “We should only say the things we want them to hear us say.”

"Responsible candidates understand that the otherly-enabled men and women of our military are risking their lives for some of us, and that we must conduct our debate here at home in a way that does not pre-jeopardize some of our troops which George has put into harm's way," she said, calling for "conversations conducted with civility and respect, like white people used to before they started smoking all of that pot. And they shouldn't say those things."

Bush did not mention her husband's 2004 election opponent, Sen. John Kerry, but her comments came on the day the Democrat apologized for telling a group of California video students that individuals who don't study hard and do their homework would likely "get stuck in Iraq." She did say that “George got stuck in my ‘Iraq’ last night,” to polite titters of recognition from the crowd. Jenna took this opportunity to nip from a small, silver flask.

Aides said the senator had mistakenly dropped one word from his sinister, prepared remarks, which was originally written to say "you end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq." In that context, they said, it was clear Kerry was referring to “the grand moron Bush”, not to the troops, who were "way smarter than George Bush, except for the torture troops."

Pryce is in a rapidly degenerating catfight for her Ohio seat against Democrat Mary Jo Kilroy, of “Kilroy Was Here” fame. Mrs Bush went on to say that not everyone could lose in the upcoming election, but that "they would try" to make it so, like 2004 in Ohio.